Life With A Toddler

Toddlers are very challenging people. (Shocker, I know.) They're learning so much, testing all the boundaries, and just trying to figure things out. It must be very frustrating sometimes for them when they just can't say or express what they're feeling or what they want/need. There's a lot of whining. And crying. And laughing.  And talking. Just a lot of jabbering, in general.  Some of it is really, really good and some of it is not so great. I sometimes find myself getting very angry and frustrated when I use my "authoritative voice" and he just laughs at me.  It's hard to keep my cool when he's like that. It's difficult to communicate effectively with a toddler when he doesn't understand everything yet.  My husband doesn't get exactly the same treatment from him. He's a lot whinier when I'm around. It's strange how our son reacts so differently towards each of us. It's not like I let him get away with everything. In fact, I think I'm the only one who ever puts him in time out. It's not often, but it does happen. Hopefully he's learning that those behaviors aren't acceptable. 

The amazing part is that despite this behavior right now, my heart is still so full of love for him. Even though I love my job, I still wish I could be home with him more, and I miss him terribly every single day. He's had a few stomach viruses over the past year, and it was just awful to watch. As much as I despise throwing up, I would have gladly taken it away from him in a heartbeat. I drive myself crazy sometimes worrying about him when he's sick. Is it just a bug? Could it be something more serious like appendicitis? I try to be rational and think logically about it, but sometimes I'm just so scared. I read another mom's post about some of the things she was surprised about when she became a mom, and I totally agreed with many of them. Like having the fear of what would happen to him if something happened to me. The emotions I feel as a mom are so incredibly strong. Is it just maternal instinct? Or is it my personality/temperament magnified? I really don't feel like the same person I was before he was born. So much has changed since then, and I really had no idea how different I would be.

When I was single, and even a little bit after I got married, I didn't really care if I was doing things perfectly. I always gave my best effort, and I was comfortable with that. If I made a mistake, l could live and learn from it. Today I feel like I question and second guess every decision I make, when it has to do with anything that affects our son (directly or indirectly.) It's a much bigger deal because I'm responsible for another person's life and well being. I'm not sure if this is just a normal momism, or if it's just amplified by what is happening in the US today. So many of our rights are being challenged as parents today - it's really scary. With almost every person owning a smartphone, people are quickly reporting supposed "bad parenting" to the authorities without even giving the parent a chance to explain what's really going on. Instead we have to explain/defend ourselves to the police and judges. Good parents are having their children removed from their home by CPS because they let them play alone outside - something that I KNOW my parents and my friend's parents did every single day when I was growing up. I even walked alone to school at 9 years old. Meanwhile, there are so many other children out there with legitimately bad parents who are routinely ignored. Judges are deciding that unnecessary, non-medically warranted surgeries will be performed on children. Legislators are threatening to take away a parent's right to choose what is medically safe for their children. Medical kidnapping is happening to some children in hospitals, usually where their parents are well-educated and informed. The hospital staff are calling CPS on these parents because they're pissed off that they "dare" question them or go against their orders. Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. How did we get here? Why are these people so threatened by parents asking smart questions? Most of these parents only want what is best for their kids. Parents are not asking questions to be jerks, or trying to show some authority over them. They truly just want to be sure they are doing right by their children, and they won't be bullied by them when they say "just do what I say, I'm the expert." Expert does not equal God.  We are all human beings and we should treat each other with respect and dignity (and a little compassion.) Just because we may not agree on everything doesn't necessarily make one of us smarter or better than the other, regardless of our education or experience. But ultimately, it's hard to have complete trust in someone when they won't even listen to you and answer your intelligent questions. I'm so grateful to have found doctors who are not threatened by my questions, and whose goal is to try to keep my family healthy so that we don't need to see them as much! But I'm still very concerned about the way things are going in our country.  I can't imagine what I'd do if anything like these situations were to happen to us. I would seriously consider moving out of the country.

Welł, the next few months will be very different for us. Our son will be going part-time to a Montessori School. It's exciting for me because I know that he is going to learn so much, and will have a lot of fun playing with the other kids. But letting your child spend 4 hours a day with strangers is very scary, at least it is the first time it happens. Letting go and leaving him there is going to be really hard. There are so many what-ifs running through my mind. Forget the rationale that millions of kids go to daycare/school every day are are totally fine. That doesn't mean anything to me right now. But I know it'll get easier, as time passes and everything turns out fine. At least I hope so!!

My Apology

I want to dedicate this post to my mom, and all the moms that I know that were moms before me.  Not all of it will apply to everyone, but I'm sure some of it will.  I also hope that the women out there who aren't currently moms can maybe get something out of it, as well.

I'm sorry that I may have judged you for not making more time for me once you had kids.  I may have thought that you didn't have all of your priorities straight, or didn't know how to manage your time well. I didn't understand what your life was really like, and that you might have just been barely getting by.  I now know that raising children is the most exhausting and fulfilling thing I've ever done. I never feel like I have time for much of anything or anyone, and I really miss seeing my family and friends more often. Especially because I work outside the home, I feel like I don't want to miss spending any of the spare time that I have with my own family.  It is definitely a lot harder to keep in touch with everyone now.

I never understood why some moms "let" their children behave so badly.  I thought they were total brats, and their moms just let their kids walk all over them.  This probably is true sometimes, but now I can see that it's not always the case. Especially for younger children.  There is a lot going on there that I had no idea - mostly that these children don't know how to handle all of their emotions, and they tend to show it in immature ways. Because they are still immature and don't yet have the ability to deal with emotions like adults do. They are not manipulative brats. Usually.

I couldn't fathom why moms would nurse their children longer than a year. It was a little strange for me to see a mom nursing a toddler or a young child.  But now I know that there is nothing strange about it at all. It's very nutritious and healthy, and also can be comforting to the child. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but now I know why some moms do it, and there's nothing weird about it.

I thought it was a little nuts that some moms let their children sleep in their bed.  I never once thought that children were possibly less safe in their own bed/room, and that it wasn't necessarily the best option for them. (Broken record, I know, I know!) I'll just say that I had no idea how beneficial it is to have your children nearby when asleep, and that it is actually very stressful and potentially dangerous for them to be left alone to cry in another room.  

I didn't understand why moms always worried so much about their kids. Why couldn't they just relax and let them be? Children need to learn from their own mistakes. Well, yes, they will learn from their mistakes, but I'm still gonna worry - but maybe a little more silently. Why? I know that moms put A LOT of time and effort (or better yet - blood, sweat and many tears) into raising their child to be healthy, respectful, kind and smart. Moms can surely remember the stupid (and perhaps even dangerous) mistakes that they made growing up, or maybe the "crazy" things our own moms did - and they want to try to spare their children from making the same mistakes or enduring the same struggles. On top of that, moms feel they have a huge responsibility for their children - and it can even feel quite overwhelming at times. It is almost like there is a fine line between just keeping your kids alive, and in one whole piece - and becoming an overbearing psycho.

I'm sorry that I wasn't really there for you, especially during those first few months as a new mom. I wish I would have thought to just ask you if I could babysit so you could take a long, hot bath or maybe take a walk around the block.  And occasionally stop by with a freshly home cooked meal or two. I didn't understand how exhausted and emotional you were, and that you needed a lot of loving support. 

And to the moms-to-be or new moms after I became a mom, I'm sorry if I have given you too much unsolicited advice. I know that many moms want to help new moms by sharing their experiences and what they've learned, and it can easily become information overload - especially on top of all the books and articles you read, and classes you may take.  I know that the main reason why I do offer advice, information or support is usually because I MYSELF wish I had known about it or had it when I had my son. I guess I'm just doing what moms do naturally, trying to protect you or save you from the same struggle. I do try to limit my unsolicited advice to the things I feel the most passionate about, so hopefully it hasn't been a huge burden to you.

I couldn't comprehend the love moms had for their children, and I think it's very difficult (if not impossible) for anyone to completely understand - until they become a mom.  I knew my mom loved me very much, and she was a great mom to me. I knew how lucky I was, despite some of the not-so-great times we had. No matter how bad things got, I knew she loved me unconditionally and that I could always talk to her about anything. But I still didn't know how deeply she felt it until I became a mom. 

Before and After

Before I became a mom, I had a completely different idea about how things would be after the birth of our son.  Here are a few examples of what I thought I/we would do, and then what actually happened.

You'll probably notice that the first three paragraphs below are very closely related, but they do each have their own specific importance.

"Our baby will only sleep in our room for maybe the first six months, and then he'll be in his own room." It's been almost two years, and he's still in our room, only a foot or so away. I can hear him breathing, respond quicker to his needs, and rest better knowing that he's as safe as he can possibly be. Especially, for the first year of life, the risk of SIDS is the highest.  Besides humans, what other mammal puts their children to sleep in a different place?  I had never thought about it that way, but it makes complete sense to me now. The benefits of co sleeping are not well known, and most people don't understand that it can be done very safely.  I had at least one person think that I was crazy, she said something like "it's so dangerous, I can't believe you're doing that."  She clearly didn't know what I knew.  Sure, our bedroom is quite strange looking, and we've made a lot of adaptions to accommodate all three of us.  There are times that I feel like I just want things back to how they were before.  But our life is forever changed, and we wouldn't have it any other way. He will eventually want his own space, and by then he'll be old enough to handle it both emotionally and physically.

"Babies just sometimes need to cry themselves to sleep, and it's no big deal (i.e cry it out, or CIO)." Well, no, not really.  I learned that when babies cry, they *need* help from their parents to soothe them - as they can't do it by themselves. Leaving babies to cry for long periods of time is actually very stressful to the baby, and can cause real physical damage to them.  I don't understand why the cry it out method is so commonly thought to be the norm, and why so many people recommend it.  Well, I guess I kinda do know why.  Many new moms and dads are usually so exhausted that they don't know what else to do to get their baby to sleep, so they ask their parents or other trusted individuals, who many times tell them they have to let their baby CIO.  There isn't a lot of support for the non-cry-it-outers, and many don't know anything different.  I just don't think I ever really thought about it all until I had my son.  Crying babies affect me much more differently now that I'm a mom. If you're unfamiliar with CIO, and are wondering "If crying it out is so bad, why does it usually work?" I discovered that there is actually science behind why it's so bad.  Long periods of crying raise a baby's cortisol levels very high, which can cause physical damage. And the fact that "it works" is not exactly a good thing. Eventually, the baby stops crying out of sheer exhaustion and will not cry more because he does not get what he needs (usually comfort, if all other things have been ruled out) from his communicating (crying.)  Babies trust their parents to be there for them all the time, and don't know any different when it's bedtime. We all know babies can't say things like "I'm hot" or "I'm scared" or even "I'm lonely" like older children or adults can.  And we know how good it feels to be touched or hugged by someone we love - it is so comforting, and it can actually make us feel better, physically.  Letting my son cry it out was just not an option. My heart nearly broke when I tried to do it, and that was only for about 10 minutes!  Even when I was so exhausted, and just wanted him to "go to sleep already!!" - I did not know this information yet, but I just knew somehow that it wasn't good for him.  It felt completely unnatural.  Mother's intuition is so very powerful.  When I read about how the cortisol works, it completely blew my mind - and yet, perhaps that is why I just *knew* that the right thing to do was pick him up.  I now know that he's not being spoiled by being held or being near his mom when he cries.  He is just simply too young to make himself feel better.  

And then also "Babies learn to sleep through the night with proper sleep training."  This goes hand in hand with the cry it out theory I mentioned above.    After trying many different ways to try to get him to sleep better, and reading a lot about it, we figured out that he just wanted to be near us, and that we didn't need to force a strict sleep schedule.  It took some time, but we figured out our *rough* nightly routine, and he finally started sleeping for longer stretches. "Through the night" for babies is actually about 4-6 hours at a time. Keeping him near me so that he could easily nurse a few times at night actually kept him from fully waking up, and we both slept a lot better - eventually, for a total of about 10-11 hours on average per night.  We've just had to be flexible, and adjust the routine as needed. Being a planner by nature, this has been difficult for me.  I do worry that he isn't getting adequate sleep - even though he is doing great. He has just recently started sleeping ALL through the night without any nursing.  If you ask other parents, I bet almost all of them will say that their children often wake up scared at night, not wanting to be alone, and end up in their parents bed. It's very common and completely normal for children to need their parents' comfort and reassurance. Why would babies/toddlers be any different? I could go on and on about this, but I won't - not this time!  I think three paragraphs is more than enough :)  I've put some resources at the bottom for anyone who wants to read more on this.  

"Doctors always know what is best for babies, and parents should do whatever they tell them." Ok, yes, doctors are usually very smart and are well educated, but they aren't perfect. No one is. And no matter how great the doctor is, I think almost everyone can agree that they don't care nearly as much about a child as his/her own parents do.  In my opinion, a great doctor discusses a child's health with his parents, and looks for ways to keep him healthy by eating well and preventing illnesses, and not just by treating his symptoms with medications.  In my own past experience, it just doesn't seem to be a common practice to discuss nutrition and healthy living at the doctor's office.  I mean no disrespect to the well-deserving doctors out there - I do think that their hard work and dedication is impressive, and they doing their best to help others.  Especially the doctors in emergency medicine, they are literally saving lives every second.  Just recently, I've learned about the benefits of chiropractic care, in addition to following other essential ways to live well without any medical interventions.  This was the first time I went to a doctor who gave me non-medicated tools to improve my health.  I'm not generalizing or stereotyping doctors, saying they are all the same.  I am just saying that doctors don't know everything, they are people just like me.  And sometimes moms and dads know what works best for their own babies.  Parents shouldn't be afraid to ask their child's doctor intelligent questions and do some good research on their own before making important health decisions for their child.  A trusted doctor's advice should be well considered, but is not always the right solution for every child.  The parents and the child are the ones who have to live with any consequences that may arise from these decisions, not the doctors. 

"Taking care of a newborn will be tiring, but I'll be fine." Ha ha, no. The first two months of my son's life were the hardest months of my life. Besides getting very little sleep (my son was initially a catnapper, 24/7), my thyroid was way out of whack, and I'm pretty sure I was having the baby blues. Then shortly after those first two months, as you already know from my previous posts, my parents died within six weeks of each other.  Talk about stressful.  Most of those first few months of his life are a blur.  I wish I had done a ton of things differently, but I don't know if any first-time parent can ever prepare adequately.  Things never go as planned, and every baby is different. The one big thing I do wonder about is if I had stayed near my family, would it have been easier?  My parents were in no shape to help me, they could barely take care of themselves.  Would it have made that much of a difference if I had been closer to my family?  I don't know.  From what I've seen from other moms, I think that being a mom can feel lonely and exhausting, no matter what the circumstances are.  Especially for a first-time mom.

"I'll do my best to breastfeed for just the first year, but we'll see how it goes. We can just use formula if it doesn't work out." Breastfeeding was also very difficult for me to master, especially since my thyroid wasn't working properly. I didn't feel like I was doing it right.  I had eventually realized that breastmilk is not only the best nutrition for my son, as well as a great way for us to bond/he be comforted - but it is very important for him in building up his immune system. Critically important. And not to mention that the commercialized formula is no where near as nutritious as breastmilk, and most of them have a lot of bad stuff in them. (I did have to supplement, but we made the formula fresh from scratch.) It's recommended that toddlers are breastfed until at least two years old (and some say older). I hate to admit that I am really growing tired if it, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to force him to stop. It's only about twice a day now, so it's not that big of a deal.  Especially since I work outside the home, it feels like a good way to reconnect with him.  I do discourage it sometimes, when I just need to be left alone. I'm hopeful that he'll just stop on his own soon, when he's ready.

The last one is probably the most surprising one to me.  Before I got pregnant, I never once thought about circumcision being anything other than the normal thing that happens to boys. I didn't know much about it, really, other than it being a common (especially Jewish) tradition. But I thought it was important that I at least find out what it is done for, so I know why and how it would be done to our son, if our baby was in fact a boy.  Wow, was it an eye opener. When I started reading about it, I came to find out that circumcision is actually becoming less common, and there usually is no medical reason to do it. It is not any cleaner or safer, and can actually sometimes be quite dangerous and even deadly.  I couldn't believe that this wasn't well known!  When I asked my husband about it, he was initially very put off and said that we needed to do it.  I explained to him what I had read, and even though he was clearly upset about even the thought of not circumcising, we decided to talk to our prospective (at the time) pediatrician about it. The doctor confirmed what I had learned was true, and that was all it took to push my husband to learn more, and ultimately agree that we would not circumcise if we had a son.  

It's amazing to me how much I thought I knew, when I really had no idea. I'm just glad that I was smart enough to realize that when something didn't feel right, I needed to look into it instead of just blindly following what I had been told, or what was thought to be the norm. I also do realize that as time goes on, we learn new things that we didn't even think twice about before. I know my parents probably didn't think about any of these things, and probably had different challenges back then.  I'd like to believe that parents do what they think is best for their child, and they aren't being selfish and doing what only suits themselves - at least most of them, anyways.  Heck, my mom smoked the entire time she was pregnant with me because she didn't know any better.  And I'm pretty sure she didn't breastfeed me, either - but I'm not 100% sure, and don't know why, if she didn't.  Hopefully I am not making that kind of mistake with my son - definitely not deliberately, of course.  I don't judge anyone who makes an informed decision to do what is best for their own children.  I'm no expert on anything, but I do believe that all parents should be open to at least looking at new things, and not being afraid to learn more about the things they don't know much about - for the sake of their children. Besides helping myself to get these things out of my head, I truly hope something I've said helps someone else get through a tough spot or that it's ok to question "the norm."  I know I wish I had heard more about these things before I had my son.

Here are some useful places to read more about why I changed my mind:

No-Cry Sleep 

www.elizabethpantley.com

Crying and Stress

http://evolutionaryparenting.com/its-just-a-little-cortisol-why-rises-in-cortisol-matter-to-infant-development/

http://books.google.com/books/about/Science_of_Parenting.html?id=52KL4KsfcfEC

Co-Sleeping

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes

Chiropractic Care and the 5 Essentials

www.maximizedliving.com

Breastfeeding

www.llli.org/nb/nbiss3-09p28.html

Circumcision

www.drmomma.org/2010/11/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html

Support and Motherly Advice

motherwiselife.org

evolutionary parenting.com

longestshortesttime.com

All three are on Facebook, as well

So Many Changes

I'm really loving who my son is becoming.  He is getting to be very affectionate, and it is just so awesome. I can't get enough of him!  I know I need to enjoy it now, as there will be a day when he won't want me to even so much as look at him, especially when he's around his friends.  But I hope this trait is one that he'll always have, especially for me, his dad and for anyone he loves dearly. 

He has the best laugh and does the funniest things.  When my we tickle him or play chase with him, he just cracks us up with his expressions and his laughter.  It's completely contagious, you just have to giggle yourself, there is no stopping it.

Unless he is just really tired, he is such a happy kid.  He is getting better at playing  alone, but for the most part he just loves being around us.  It doesn't matter what we do, really. He loves being outside and doesn't seem to have any fear (except around other people!)  I am trying to get him around more people more often so that he can hopefully get over his shyness.

I love watching him sleep and hearing him breathe.  He has always been a fairly loud breather when he sleeps, too, which I'm grateful for.  It's very peaceful and wonderful watching him.  

I am amazed at how fast he learns and how much he already understands. When I ask him to do something, he almost always does it.  It seems like such a huge deal as he's still so young - he's not even two yet.  Sure, he still does a lot of things that I tell him not to do, but I know he's not perfect!  

I wish he could have more of the same things that I did growing up, but I know it's not very likely, as things are so different now.  One big difference is not being close to family.  When I was a kid, our extended family got together for birthdays and holidays, and sometimes in between. I was very close to my aunts, uncles and cousins.  Because we don't live near family now, it will never be like that for him, and that makes me really sad. But I hope that we can visit our family often enough so that he will still get to know them.  My husband doesn't really understand why I feel this way, as he grew up without any extended family nearby.  Since he survived, I guess it'll be ok. And there isn't much I can do to change it, since we don't plan on moving north any time soon!

"Normal"

These are some of the observations I've made about my life now that are kind of shocking to me, but are probably common amongst other experienced parents:

Our home is the messiest it's ever been. 

I find toys (and other missing objects) in the most unusual locations. 

It feels like it takes me 10 times longer to get ready to leave the house.  And I even have the diaper bag always ready!

Our furniture is slowly but surely getting ruined.  And apparently it also doubles as a jungle gym!

There are safety locks and bungee cords protecting/securing something in almost every room. 

I can rarely be in the bathroom by myself. I am stealthy sometimes, but boy do I hear about it.

I feel like my son is a human garbage disposal. It seems like he is hungry ALL THE TIME.  

Changing diapers and getting dressed is now apparently a fun game of wiggling, kicking and body slamming. I'm really surprised that I haven't had a broken nose yet.

I know just about all of the character's names on the programs on the Sprout channel.  I also find myself singing many of their theme songs.

Some things that I wish I could be better about:

Taking some time for myself - even just to curl my hair, paint my nails or do something crafty.  Since I'm a working mom, I always feel like my time at home should be with my family.  My husband is very supportive of me doing those things, it's just my own mental block. I call it my "mom guilt."  I do force myself to do things sometimes, but I never really seem to enjoy it much because of the guilt I feel.

I try not to worry so much. There are many scary, bad things in the world, and I sometimes feel like I'm a little paranoid.  I hear about others who have lost their child, or have a child with a disability or illness, and my heart breaks for them. I can't imagine the pain they are going through, and I don't think I could handle it. Then I get so scared that something will happen to my son. I try to focus on how lucky I am and just do my best to keep him safe, but sometimes it is difficult to ignore.  It can be terrifying if I let myself think about it too much, so I try to distract myself and stay positive.

I think I'm still very (too) emotional. I know that being emotional is not really a bad thing, within reason. And I know that no one can say how long is "normal" to grieve after losing your parents. Plus I feel like being a mom is such an important role - I want to do my very best, and it sometimes feels like a lot of pressure, and it gets to me. I want to just be like I used to be.  I don't want to cry randomly for no real reason anymore. I feel stupid when I do this.  I just want to be back to (my old) normal self.  I don't know if that's even possible as I feel like I've changed so much.

Most importantly, being a mom has been such a crazy and wonderful experience - I never would have imagined it to be how it is.  Many of the things I thought I would or wouldn't do, I've done the opposite. It's crazy how much my life has changed.  I'm still amazed by it.

Working It Out

Well, it's been a while and I think I need to do some blogging. I feel like I need to get some things out that I just haven't had any luck with resolving internally.  I will probably repeat myself from past blogs - but that's ok - it's MY blog, and if anyone doesn't enjoy reading it or doesn't get something out of it, please feel free to not read it anymore. I understand if it's not for you. My intent when I blog is not to offend anyone, but I know that sometimes things "sound" different when written vs. when said in conversation. I sincerely hope that my blog does not offend anyone, as I try very hard to be diplomatic and respectful.  If anyone has questions about anything, I'm always open and welcome constructive criticism.

I am continually bothered that a great majority of our society ignores or is unwilling to listen to the incredible information that is out there to help them.  I see it all the time, especially when it comes to illnesses.  Now, I know I'm no expert, and I never claimed to be one - but just look at me, for an example.  I used to work in an office with about 25 other people, with various ages and lifestyles.  Almost each and every one of them got really sick at least two or three times per year.  But not me. Ever.  For over 8 years. (Except for once last fall, but that was the only real exception, and it was stress induced.) I'm talking the full-blown sickness, like the flu or something. Minor colds and such, yes, I do get those - but not very often, and never anything severe.  So when people don't understand why I eat the way I do, or why I try to avoid toxic chemicals, or when I don't take an Advil every time I have a headache - look at my health history.  You really can't argue with the fact that I'm never sick. Luck? Genes? Maybe, but not likely. Sure, it's a lot "harder" and sometimes more expensive to eat this way, and annoying to take the extra time EVERY time to check ingredients or suffer through a headache. I do cave occasionally and take an Advil or eat some junk food.  But the point is, it's not the norm for me.   So I try to share the knowledge that I have with the people I care about, and with the ones who are open to listening.  If they won't even listen to the options, they'll never know what they may be missing.  I won't ever pressure anyone to change.  But it can be frustrating when some people won't even listen to it and truly hear it, and then continue to complain about being sick or whatever.  God forbid that anyone get a disease, that would be awful - but unfortunately, it would not be very surprising, with all the toxic foods and chemicals everywhere you look.  I know I'm not 100% immune, and I might get some disease one day. There are many factors in our environment that I have no control over.  But I think that what I am doing is helping me stay healthier, and is minimizing my risk - based on my results so far.  So, my main point is, please don't just blindly follow the crowd, and believe that government agencies (FDA, CDC, etc.) and many other revenue-seeking organizations have your best interests at heart. Do your own research before deciding what actions you want to take. Look at the sources of the information and ask the following: what are their credentials/education/experience? What motivation do they have behind their services/products?  Who pays their salary? Are they open to discussion/questions, or do they automatically get defensive?  Do they show pros and cons to both/all sides?  I'll gladly share what I've learned, but don't just trust me, either.  Learn for yourself, and maybe you'll find something new you can share with your loved ones.  Maybe next time I blog, I will share my findings for those who are willing to listen.

So, on another note - the one year anniversary of my dad's death just passed, and my mom's is approaching fast.  It doesn't seem possible that they've both been gone a year already.  I don't cry as often as I used to, but it's weird how something  about them will hit me at a random time, and I'm right back to like it was yesterday.  I think what I miss the most (out of many things) is not having my mom to talk to. Granted, she wasn't the same mom she used to be during the last 10 years or so, but just the fact that I don't have her around if I wanted to talk to her is so bizarre. No one loves you like your mom. I truly know that now because I'm a mom, and I know what it feels like to love your child.  There is nothing like it.  Even on the worst days, your child is your miracle, the love of your life.  I would do anything for him, and want to do everything I can to help him live his life to the fullest.  I know that my mom felt the same way about her children.  There is just no replacement for your mom.  And being so far away from most of my family makes it a little harder, too.

Mom and I at my wedding in 2008.

I know that most people are trying to do the best that they can when it comes to taking care of their children. And I sure have learned a LOT over the last 16 months that I never knew before, and am still learning.  I'm very grateful to have met a few people who understand and are pretty much on the same page as we are, since it seems as though our "ways" are not the most common.  There sure is a lot of information out there now with so many "expertly" written books and the internet, and it can be very overwhelming and confusing.  So in an effort to help anyone looking for just a few places to go for some guidance, here are a few that really helped get me on track, along with the help of a few good friends and family members.

1. We have an amazing pediatrician, James Brian Thornburg, who doesn't force unnecessary meds on my son - he focuses on prevention and building up his immune system.  And he has 8 children!! I highly recommend finding a pediatrician who shares most (if not all) of your views, or at the very least, respects your wishes. 

http://www.thornburgpediatrics.com/

2. A few outstanding pages on Facebook: Dr. Mercola, Motherwise, The Badass Breastfeeder, Dr. Sears and Evolutionary Parenting.  All are very knowledgeable and helpful regarding gentle parenting, breastfeeding, vaccination info, as well as on so many misconceptions about babies/children (especially sleeping!) that we've all been told over the years.  It's great to have access to their knowledge and support. What a blessing they've been.  I'm sure they all have regular websites, too.

https://m.facebook.com/doctor.health

https://www.facebook.com/MotherWiseLove

https://www.facebook.com/TheBadassBreastfeeder

https://www.facebook.com/askdrsears

https://m.facebook.com/EvolutionaryParenting

3. The AAP book that you can get for free when you sign up for the Publix Baby Club. I take the info in this book with a HUGE grain of salt, but I like having a place to look up milestones and guidelines. I don't always follow it to a tee, but it can be very useful and has a lot of information all in one place.

Thanks to all who've listened. I hope it's helped in some small way. I'd sure feel better knowing it did!

5 Things

5 things I don't think I'll ever understand:

1. When people are driving/turning in/from the left lane and they want to turn right, or when they know that that the left lane is ending...and then they just cut you off to get over at the last second.

2. Why people take the last of the toilet paper and don't replace the roll.

3. When people call you about a problem they're having and are rude and nasty to you and expect you to graciously help them, when you've personally done nothing wrong.

4. Why people leave a mess behind them expecting others to clean it up.

5. How people can deliberately harm animals or children (or any living being, for that matter!)

5 things I love:

1. When I check the mailbox and there is something in there other than bills or junk mail.

2. When my son takes a decent nap on the weekend and I can actually get a task or two completely done.

3. Finding one of my favorite movies playing on TV (such as Terms of Endearment, 50 First Dates, Click, Hitch or Star Wars.

4.  Cuddling with my boys.
5.  Finding the perfect gift for someone I love, and sending it to them when it's not for any special occasion.


5 things I miss:
1.  Going to the Clawson 4th of July festival every year with my parents.
2.  Our large family Christmas Eve gatherings.
3.  Flying in an airplane on a regular basis.
4.  The beautiful leaves in the fall.
5.  Lilacs!!!


5 things I'm looking forward to:
1.  Taking my son on adventures to museums, parks, movie theaters and other fun places.
2.  Going on family vacations.
3.  Seeing Paris, Rome, Sydney, and hopefully Cairo one day.
4.  Watching what new thing my son will learn or do tomorrow.
5.  Maybe moving to Hawaii one day.


5 things that make me sad:
1.  Knowing that my son will not remember my parents.
2.  Not being able to see my family and friends as often as I'd like to.
3.  How selfish and inconsiderate our society is becoming.
4.  All of the historic landmarks that are being destroyed in the Middle East.
5.  Not being able to spend more time with my husband and son.


5 things I'll never forget:
1.  How happy I was on my wedding day.
2.  The birth of my son.
3.  Swimming with sea turtles in Maui.
4.  My first solo flight at Western.
5.  Watching my mom pass away.


5 things that will probably not exist in 10 years:

1.  Land line phones.

2.  The USPS.

3.  Personal checks.

4.  Artificial food colors, high fructose corn syrup and MSG (I hope!!!)

5.  Rental DVD movies.

(I used to have this exact phone!)

5 famous people I've met:

1.  Carrie Fisher

2.  Patti Wagstaff

3.  Chuck Yeager

4.  Pat Sajak

5.  Malcolm Jamal-Warner

5 people I'd like to meet:

1.  Tim McGraw

2.  Tom Hanks

3.  Matthew McConaughy

4.  Harrison Ford

5.  Robin Williams

5 changes I'd like to make in my life:

1.  Learn more patience.

2.  Continue to eat better and get healthier.

3.  Get more exercise.

4.  Learn more patience.
5.  Learn more patience.


5 quotes I love and try to live by:
1.  Be kinder than necessary, as everyone is fighting some sort of battle.― J.M. Barrie
2.  Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute and emergency on my part.― Unknown
3.  Never lose hope. Stay strong, you never know what tomorrow brings.― Magith Noohukhan
4.  A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. ― Elbert Hubbard
5.  But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.― Khaled Hosseini