I want to dedicate this post to my mom, and all the moms that I know that were moms before me. Not all of it will apply to everyone, but I'm sure some of it will. I also hope that the women out there who aren't currently moms can maybe get something out of it, as well.
I'm sorry that I may have judged you for not making more time for me once you had kids. I may have thought that you didn't have all of your priorities straight, or didn't know how to manage your time well. I didn't understand what your life was really like, and that you might have just been barely getting by. I now know that raising children is the most exhausting and fulfilling thing I've ever done. I never feel like I have time for much of anything or anyone, and I really miss seeing my family and friends more often. Especially because I work outside the home, I feel like I don't want to miss spending any of the spare time that I have with my own family. It is definitely a lot harder to keep in touch with everyone now.
I never understood why some moms "let" their children behave so badly. I thought they were total brats, and their moms just let their kids walk all over them. This probably is true sometimes, but now I can see that it's not always the case. Especially for younger children. There is a lot going on there that I had no idea - mostly that these children don't know how to handle all of their emotions, and they tend to show it in immature ways. Because they are still immature and don't yet have the ability to deal with emotions like adults do. They are not manipulative brats. Usually.
I couldn't fathom why moms would nurse their children longer than a year. It was a little strange for me to see a mom nursing a toddler or a young child. But now I know that there is nothing strange about it at all. It's very nutritious and healthy, and also can be comforting to the child. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but now I know why some moms do it, and there's nothing weird about it.
I thought it was a little nuts that some moms let their children sleep in their bed. I never once thought that children were possibly less safe in their own bed/room, and that it wasn't necessarily the best option for them. (Broken record, I know, I know!) I'll just say that I had no idea how beneficial it is to have your children nearby when asleep, and that it is actually very stressful and potentially dangerous for them to be left alone to cry in another room.
I didn't understand why moms always worried so much about their kids. Why couldn't they just relax and let them be? Children need to learn from their own mistakes. Well, yes, they will learn from their mistakes, but I'm still gonna worry - but maybe a little more silently. Why? I know that moms put A LOT of time and effort (or better yet - blood, sweat and many tears) into raising their child to be healthy, respectful, kind and smart. Moms can surely remember the stupid (and perhaps even dangerous) mistakes that they made growing up, or maybe the "crazy" things our own moms did - and they want to try to spare their children from making the same mistakes or enduring the same struggles. On top of that, moms feel they have a huge responsibility for their children - and it can even feel quite overwhelming at times. It is almost like there is a fine line between just keeping your kids alive, and in one whole piece - and becoming an overbearing psycho.
I'm sorry that I wasn't really there for you, especially during those first few months as a new mom. I wish I would have thought to just ask you if I could babysit so you could take a long, hot bath or maybe take a walk around the block. And occasionally stop by with a freshly home cooked meal or two. I didn't understand how exhausted and emotional you were, and that you needed a lot of loving support.
And to the moms-to-be or new moms after I became a mom, I'm sorry if I have given you too much unsolicited advice. I know that many moms want to help new moms by sharing their experiences and what they've learned, and it can easily become information overload - especially on top of all the books and articles you read, and classes you may take. I know that the main reason why I do offer advice, information or support is usually because I MYSELF wish I had known about it or had it when I had my son. I guess I'm just doing what moms do naturally, trying to protect you or save you from the same struggle. I do try to limit my unsolicited advice to the things I feel the most passionate about, so hopefully it hasn't been a huge burden to you.
I couldn't comprehend the love moms had for their children, and I think it's very difficult (if not impossible) for anyone to completely understand - until they become a mom. I knew my mom loved me very much, and she was a great mom to me. I knew how lucky I was, despite some of the not-so-great times we had. No matter how bad things got, I knew she loved me unconditionally and that I could always talk to her about anything. But I still didn't know how deeply she felt it until I became a mom.
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