A Year of Mommyhood

Hard to believe it's been a whole year since I became a mom.  I remember thinking during the first month or so after he was born "when will this get easier?" And then one day it just did, and each day it got a little more easy.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a walk in the park now; but it's a zillion times better than it was. I feel much more comfortable and am really enjoy spending time with him. As we all know, everything usually gets better with time.

We didn't have a huge shindig for his first birthday - just a few kiddos (and their parents) at a local playground. Although I know he won't remember a thing about it, it was still be a special day that I hope he enjoyed. You only turn one once, right?

He gets called "she" a lot - and not because I dress him in pink! It's because of his curls. Not that it would matter, anyways, as I know that not everyone pays attention; girls with bows and headbands get called "he" all the time.  Usually I don't correct the random people that say things to him, unless they ask a question or "her" name.  I don't mind it though, as long as they're being nice to him!  I'm amazed by how many strangers are so friendly to him. Mostly women and children - but sometimes men, too. Especially at the place where my husband works; the people there are so sweet to him.

He's definitely starting to show more personality and is loving the freedom of crawling.  We can tell when he doesn't like something or gets frustrated when he can't do what he wants to do.  I know it has to be maddening when he can't communicate effectively. We are trying to use some sign language and other hand gestures to help him, and he seems to be catching on a little.  Hopefully that will make it a little easier for him.  He knows his name, when we say "no" and knows how to give us "five."  I love watching him learn and discover things. It's great to be such an important part of his life. 

It's really amazing how having a child changes the whole focus of your life.  Not that I don't sometimes wish I had more time for myself for my hobbies and some good girl time, or that hubby and I could have a date night now and then.  But I know that time will fly by so fast, and that he'll be 18 before I know it - and I'll be missing these days. We just have to have a good balance of everyone's needs and make sure to enjoy the moment, no matter how small it is.

Getting back to"normal"

About a month after my Mom died, I was having frequent episodes of really bad pain. I felt it in my stomach and lower back area. At first, I thought I was eating too much dairy or something. Nothing really seemed to help except eating saltines, drinking club soda and resting - but that didn't always work, either. I went to both a regular doctor and my chiropractor, and they both believed that it was due to stress. I never knew how much stress could affect ones health. I never get sick, so it was really annoying for me; I guess I thought I was stronger or more resilient than most people. I suppose everything from the past 6 months had finally caught up with me. When I think about it all, it does make sense: I had a c-section, my hormones were all out of whack from giving birth, my thyroid was messed up, my parents situation was very stressful, and then their deaths, amongst other crazy things going on that I won't go into. There were a few days that I had to leave work and go and rest in my car, hoping that the pain would subside enough for me to go back to work. It was about a month or so before it completely subsided, and was that ever a relief.  

We went to visit my in-laws for Thanksgiving, and had a great time. It was nice to get away from home, too. It was a 9 hour drive to get there, so we decided to leave home at the baby's bedtime, as we weren't sure how he'd do in the car for such a long stretch. He did really well, slept almost the whole time - but hubby and I were completely exhausted. I had worked that day, and he hadn't gotten to nap with the baby at all, so that was pretty rough. But we made it in one piece - and even though we drove back home during the daytime, that went pretty well, too. 

Fortunately, my in-laws were able to drive down to see us for Christmas. I don't know how well I would've done without my parents being there if they hadn't come. I can remember well when I was much younger, a good portion of our extended family would all get together on Christmas Eve; we'd have a pot luck dinner and everyone would get one gift from someone else (we had drawn names in advance to see who we'd get.) It was so much fun - I really looked forward to it because it was usually the only time I ever got to see most of my extended family.  Even though those large family gatherings had stopped many years ago, I still enjoyed getting together with my immediate family.  A few times, I've been alone or it's just been hubby and me at Christmastime, and it's just not the same. I just really enjoy spending time with my family, so I try to go as many weddings and special occasions as I can.

Things are calming down now. FINALLY.  I still feel overwhelmed at times, but it's starting to feel somewhat "normal" again. I cry less often, and I feel more like myself again each day. I've come to the conclusion that I may never again have a completely clean house, and that trying to accomplish a lot of projects in one day is not going to happen any time soon. I am starting to get more comfortable with my new life. Some parts are wonderful, and some are a little harder to cope with. But the good news is that it's always changing, and mostly for the better.  And I'm very grateful to have two amazing boys to come home to every day!