My Childhood

I've been dreaming about my parents a lot recently. Not sure why, but it's been causing me to think about the memories I have from growing up.  I mostly have really good memories of my childhood. Like I can still remember loving the way my mom smelled, and how I always begged her to scratch my back (she was the BEST backscratcher.) And how I used to plead with my parents to let me stay up late and watch "The Rockford Files" with my dad; not that I probably even cared about the show, I just wanted to stay up late with my dad. Every morning when he left for work (before I got up for school) he would kiss me goodbye. I still remember how his cologne smelled. They absolutely had their faults and made mistakes, no doubt.  But we all do, and I don't see any point in reliving the bad times.  There were lots of good things, both big and small.

My parents had both been married previously, and had children from their first marriages. But none of my brothers or my sister lived with us.  My dad's three sons lived with their mom, and my mom's son and daughter were already young adults, living on their own.  My parents were 40 years old when I was born, so I imagine my life was different from other kids who had 20-30 year old parents.  My mom always said "sorry you have such old parents," and I hated it when she would say that.  I couldn't imagine having anyone else for my parents.

I sometimes felt a little lonely, not growing up with any siblings, but it was mostly when we lived in the "country" in Minnesota. None of the kids my age/class lived close by, so having a friend over to play was a rarity.  There were a few younger and older kids that lived on our street that I sometimes played with, but it wasn't often enough for my liking.

I loved being around my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. So when my parents decided to move back to Michigan, I was very upset. Everyone that I knew was in Minnesota.  I knew we had a lot of family in Michigan, but to a 9 year old, it was still a very traumatic experience.  I had been born in MI, but I was only a toddler when we left there for MN, so I didn't know my family in MI well.

The first few years weren't too bad in MI. Once we got settled into our home in Oak Park, I made friends quickly and had a great time. I was still missing everyone back in MN, but I was adjusting.  I do remember writing many letters to one of my godmothers and one of my best friends back in MN, pouring my heart out about how homesick I was. I know we had some struggling times over the years, but my parents did a pretty good job of protecting me from those worries.  I don't think I was spoiled, but I always had what I really needed.  Ok, maybe I was a little bit spoiled, but not to the point that made me a brat.  They taught me to be respectful, work hard, and be kind to others.

I am a lot closer in age to my two (oldest) nieces, so I have a lot of very fond memories of playing with them when we were younger. They were more like little sisters to me.  In the first five or so years that we lived in MI, we had some really fun times with the extended family.  I enjoyed seeing them just as much as I had with the family in MN. As I got older, we saw everyone less and less, but it was great when we did get together. That's why I still today love going to family weddings - many of them are there!

The hardest part about my childhood was all the moving around that we did, because it meant starting all over again. New school, new friends, etc.  When we moved to Oak Park, MI, I started 4th grade as the new kid. Then we moved to Royal Oak in the middle of 7th grade. Middle school/junior high is hard enough, but then I was the new kid, too! Luckily, I made a few great friends for the year and a half that I was in RO. I'm surprised that we didn't build a house and stay there for my high school years, but for whatever reason, we moved again at the start of my freshman year of high school.

Our new house in Rochester Hills wasn't quite ready to move into before my 9th grade year started. My dad was a carpenter, and was pretty much building it by himself. It was our "dream" house, a tri-level. I tried to live with my brother and his family in Utica (just a few minutes from our new house) until our home was ready, but it just didn't work out. So my dad brought me with him every morning from RO, and back home again every afternoon until November, when we finally could move in.

At first, high school was rough. Of course, I didn't know anyone (again). And I was so disappointed that I missed out on joining marching band; they started practicing during the summer, but we had no idea. So by the time school started, I was too far behind what they'd already learned, I guess.  I can still remember going to my home room class on the second day of school, not knowing that you didn't go to home room every day, and how mortified I was when the teacher made fun of me for it, and the whole class of upperclassmen laughed at my expense. But honestly, high school was the best out of all the schools I went to. I had an awesome group of friends, and had some really great experiences.  Especially my senior year. Wow, to be a Senior: we could go off property for lunch, I had a teacher's aide role with one of my favorite teachers, Spring Break in Daytona Beach, and all of the fun Senior-only activities - including finishing school before the underclassmen did! 

I have been fortunate enough to stay close with one of my best friends from high school. Many of them are also on Facebook, including some of the ones I made throughout my childhood and college - so it's nice to still have some contact with them, too. I sometimes miss those days when friends were almost always around to go to a movie or just hang out with. Now we all have our own families and different priorities. It's not nearly as easy to get together, especially now that I live so much further away from everyone.

So far, I have three scrapbooks packed full of my childhood memories - and I'm not done yet!  My best friend from high school is coming to visit in about a week with her family, and I'm really looking forward to spending time with them, and maybe even do a little reminiscing...good times.

Happiness is...

I love waking up and seeing baby boy sleeping. So peaceful, so beautiful.  It's still hard to believe that I created someone so amazing. Truly a miracle.

I have just recently come to terms with the fact that the time I have to spend with him is ok, and he's doing just fine. I was having a hard time being completely comfortable with the fact that I'm working full-time and that some days I only get to spend a few hours with him. I'm not 100% happy about it, but at least I'm not as anxious about it as I used to be.

It's awesome to come home from work and have him light up when he sees me - and either crawl like a madman towards me or practically jump out of my husband's arms to come and see me.  That makes my day, every day. It never gets old. 

I am fascinated by how much he's learned in only one year, and how quickly he learns new things - no matter how small they are.  Like how to drink from a cup. It's funny how you notice this kind of stuff so much more when it's your own kid, and how fascinating and exciting it is.  I don't know if it's just because I'm his mom or what. It's pretty cool, whatever it is.

No, my life isn't all roses and lollipops, but I do try to stay positive amongst a lot of negativity that surrounds me on an almost daily basis.  Some days it gets to me, and I fall into the trap of negative thinking. I guess that's human nature.  I just try to keep those days to a minimum, and know that things can always be a lot worse. Tomorrow is a new day - who knows what's going to happen?

I love living in south Florida; winters here are heavenly, except for all the snowbirds. Yeah, I know that if it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't have a job.  But especially after this past winter, I'm very glad they're gone. The traffic was awful, restaurants were always packed, and the stores were insanely busy. But the worst part about living here is not having my extended family (and some very good friends) near by.  Not being able to see them whenever I want to sucks big time.  I know it was my decision to move so far away from them, so I have to deal with it, and just try to go and visit them whenever I can.

On a completely separate note, I'm a huge believer in karma - both good and bad. It usually takes a lot longer than I prefer fo karma to work it's magic, but nevertheless, I think it exists. I really hope that karma helps us to have some great experiences this year. So far, it has been a relatively decent 4 1/2 months for us. No major illnesses, no accidents, no huge mistakes (knock on wood.)  I did recently lose yet another family member, so that wasn't great. But she and her immediate family were really suffering a great deal in her last days, so I am thankful that she is no longer in pain, and that now the family (especially her children and grandchildren) can begin to heal. It's crazy to think that in less than one year, the last three of my grandmother's sisters have all left this earth.  That's a total of six people in my family, including my parents and my aunt.  Still hard to believe.  Our family really needs a break!

But the point of this story is that I have a lot to be happy about.  Even though there are many things that aren't so great in my life, the things and people who matter the most make everything pretty darn good.  One last example: Hubby, baby and I took a walk tonight, as the sun was going down. The weather was perfect, and it was so enjoyable and relaxing.  Such simple things like that often give me the greatest joy.