One of the craziest (and most annoying) things that has changed about myself since I've been a mom is my new view on flying. Most people who know me know that I've always loved flying. I learned how to fly in college, and was even a flight attendant for two years. It has always been my passion, and I've never really had any fear of it. In fact, I dare to say I actually "liked" turbulence. I never understood why some people had such an "irrational" fear of flying. Statistically, it is so much safer than driving. I just didn't get it.
Now I do. I don't know if it's because now I am responsible for another person, or if it's a hormonal change, or maybe a combination of both. It's not like I didn't know all about the potential dangers involved in flying before, and suddenly *now* I am aware. I am in tuned to everything - the weather, the engine noise, the turbulence - and when it doesn't look or sound right to me, I'm immediately on edge. Not only am I well educated in aviation, but I also love to watch air disaster shows. Yeah, bad combination, right? I've always wanted to work for the NTSB - you know, the ones who investigate airplane crashes. It's not because I'm into the gruesome details, but I love aviation safety. It's fascinating to me how we almost always learn something new after every accident or incident. The flip side is, I know what to look for when it comes to dangerous situations - and although I may be exaggerating the dangerousness of the situation that I'm in, I can't help but be "irrationally" terrified.
I just returned from my first trip away from home without my son. I was only gone about two and a half days, and I'm happy to say that we all did much better than I expected. But unfortunately, I had to connect in Atlanta both ways, which means 4 take-offs and landings - i.e., the most critical phases of flight. And there were thunderstorms in Atlanta (both times!!) as well as upon returning home. I was beside myself. It was the most bizarre thing for me to feel this way, but I just couldn't help it. Whether or not any danger was present for certain, I'll never know. But because I have the background that I do, I could not have escaped the fear without fully knowing what only the pilots and air traffic controllers knew.
Lovely, rainy Atlanta
I have flown a few other times previously as a mom, and I did feel the fear a little bit then, too. But it felt a lot worse this last time. I'm traveling again very soon, but with with my son this time - so I'm not sure how I'll do this time around. Luckily, we have no connections in Atlanta! I'm really excited for the trip - for many, many reasons - but mostly to see my family and for my son to spend some time with them, as well. I think he's going to have a complete blast.
I'm hoping that this new fear of flying is just a phase that will lessen as time goes on. I want to travel and visit my family, and unfortunately flying is usually the easiest way to do it. I can't believe that I said unfortunately! I try to cut myself some slack, and remind myself that a lot has changed for me over the last 2 1/2 years. I'm definitely not the same person. I have to accept that and try to move on. I sincerely hope that I will be able to fully love flying again, someday.
