"Normal"

These are some of the observations I've made about my life now that are kind of shocking to me, but are probably common amongst other experienced parents:

Our home is the messiest it's ever been. 

I find toys (and other missing objects) in the most unusual locations. 

It feels like it takes me 10 times longer to get ready to leave the house.  And I even have the diaper bag always ready!

Our furniture is slowly but surely getting ruined.  And apparently it also doubles as a jungle gym!

There are safety locks and bungee cords protecting/securing something in almost every room. 

I can rarely be in the bathroom by myself. I am stealthy sometimes, but boy do I hear about it.

I feel like my son is a human garbage disposal. It seems like he is hungry ALL THE TIME.  

Changing diapers and getting dressed is now apparently a fun game of wiggling, kicking and body slamming. I'm really surprised that I haven't had a broken nose yet.

I know just about all of the character's names on the programs on the Sprout channel.  I also find myself singing many of their theme songs.

Some things that I wish I could be better about:

Taking some time for myself - even just to curl my hair, paint my nails or do something crafty.  Since I'm a working mom, I always feel like my time at home should be with my family.  My husband is very supportive of me doing those things, it's just my own mental block. I call it my "mom guilt."  I do force myself to do things sometimes, but I never really seem to enjoy it much because of the guilt I feel.

I try not to worry so much. There are many scary, bad things in the world, and I sometimes feel like I'm a little paranoid.  I hear about others who have lost their child, or have a child with a disability or illness, and my heart breaks for them. I can't imagine the pain they are going through, and I don't think I could handle it. Then I get so scared that something will happen to my son. I try to focus on how lucky I am and just do my best to keep him safe, but sometimes it is difficult to ignore.  It can be terrifying if I let myself think about it too much, so I try to distract myself and stay positive.

I think I'm still very (too) emotional. I know that being emotional is not really a bad thing, within reason. And I know that no one can say how long is "normal" to grieve after losing your parents. Plus I feel like being a mom is such an important role - I want to do my very best, and it sometimes feels like a lot of pressure, and it gets to me. I want to just be like I used to be.  I don't want to cry randomly for no real reason anymore. I feel stupid when I do this.  I just want to be back to (my old) normal self.  I don't know if that's even possible as I feel like I've changed so much.

Most importantly, being a mom has been such a crazy and wonderful experience - I never would have imagined it to be how it is.  Many of the things I thought I would or wouldn't do, I've done the opposite. It's crazy how much my life has changed.  I'm still amazed by it.

Working It Out

Well, it's been a while and I think I need to do some blogging. I feel like I need to get some things out that I just haven't had any luck with resolving internally.  I will probably repeat myself from past blogs - but that's ok - it's MY blog, and if anyone doesn't enjoy reading it or doesn't get something out of it, please feel free to not read it anymore. I understand if it's not for you. My intent when I blog is not to offend anyone, but I know that sometimes things "sound" different when written vs. when said in conversation. I sincerely hope that my blog does not offend anyone, as I try very hard to be diplomatic and respectful.  If anyone has questions about anything, I'm always open and welcome constructive criticism.

I am continually bothered that a great majority of our society ignores or is unwilling to listen to the incredible information that is out there to help them.  I see it all the time, especially when it comes to illnesses.  Now, I know I'm no expert, and I never claimed to be one - but just look at me, for an example.  I used to work in an office with about 25 other people, with various ages and lifestyles.  Almost each and every one of them got really sick at least two or three times per year.  But not me. Ever.  For over 8 years. (Except for once last fall, but that was the only real exception, and it was stress induced.) I'm talking the full-blown sickness, like the flu or something. Minor colds and such, yes, I do get those - but not very often, and never anything severe.  So when people don't understand why I eat the way I do, or why I try to avoid toxic chemicals, or when I don't take an Advil every time I have a headache - look at my health history.  You really can't argue with the fact that I'm never sick. Luck? Genes? Maybe, but not likely. Sure, it's a lot "harder" and sometimes more expensive to eat this way, and annoying to take the extra time EVERY time to check ingredients or suffer through a headache. I do cave occasionally and take an Advil or eat some junk food.  But the point is, it's not the norm for me.   So I try to share the knowledge that I have with the people I care about, and with the ones who are open to listening.  If they won't even listen to the options, they'll never know what they may be missing.  I won't ever pressure anyone to change.  But it can be frustrating when some people won't even listen to it and truly hear it, and then continue to complain about being sick or whatever.  God forbid that anyone get a disease, that would be awful - but unfortunately, it would not be very surprising, with all the toxic foods and chemicals everywhere you look.  I know I'm not 100% immune, and I might get some disease one day. There are many factors in our environment that I have no control over.  But I think that what I am doing is helping me stay healthier, and is minimizing my risk - based on my results so far.  So, my main point is, please don't just blindly follow the crowd, and believe that government agencies (FDA, CDC, etc.) and many other revenue-seeking organizations have your best interests at heart. Do your own research before deciding what actions you want to take. Look at the sources of the information and ask the following: what are their credentials/education/experience? What motivation do they have behind their services/products?  Who pays their salary? Are they open to discussion/questions, or do they automatically get defensive?  Do they show pros and cons to both/all sides?  I'll gladly share what I've learned, but don't just trust me, either.  Learn for yourself, and maybe you'll find something new you can share with your loved ones.  Maybe next time I blog, I will share my findings for those who are willing to listen.

So, on another note - the one year anniversary of my dad's death just passed, and my mom's is approaching fast.  It doesn't seem possible that they've both been gone a year already.  I don't cry as often as I used to, but it's weird how something  about them will hit me at a random time, and I'm right back to like it was yesterday.  I think what I miss the most (out of many things) is not having my mom to talk to. Granted, she wasn't the same mom she used to be during the last 10 years or so, but just the fact that I don't have her around if I wanted to talk to her is so bizarre. No one loves you like your mom. I truly know that now because I'm a mom, and I know what it feels like to love your child.  There is nothing like it.  Even on the worst days, your child is your miracle, the love of your life.  I would do anything for him, and want to do everything I can to help him live his life to the fullest.  I know that my mom felt the same way about her children.  There is just no replacement for your mom.  And being so far away from most of my family makes it a little harder, too.

Mom and I at my wedding in 2008.

I know that most people are trying to do the best that they can when it comes to taking care of their children. And I sure have learned a LOT over the last 16 months that I never knew before, and am still learning.  I'm very grateful to have met a few people who understand and are pretty much on the same page as we are, since it seems as though our "ways" are not the most common.  There sure is a lot of information out there now with so many "expertly" written books and the internet, and it can be very overwhelming and confusing.  So in an effort to help anyone looking for just a few places to go for some guidance, here are a few that really helped get me on track, along with the help of a few good friends and family members.

1. We have an amazing pediatrician, James Brian Thornburg, who doesn't force unnecessary meds on my son - he focuses on prevention and building up his immune system.  And he has 8 children!! I highly recommend finding a pediatrician who shares most (if not all) of your views, or at the very least, respects your wishes. 

http://www.thornburgpediatrics.com/

2. A few outstanding pages on Facebook: Dr. Mercola, Motherwise, The Badass Breastfeeder, Dr. Sears and Evolutionary Parenting.  All are very knowledgeable and helpful regarding gentle parenting, breastfeeding, vaccination info, as well as on so many misconceptions about babies/children (especially sleeping!) that we've all been told over the years.  It's great to have access to their knowledge and support. What a blessing they've been.  I'm sure they all have regular websites, too.

https://m.facebook.com/doctor.health

https://www.facebook.com/MotherWiseLove

https://www.facebook.com/TheBadassBreastfeeder

https://www.facebook.com/askdrsears

https://m.facebook.com/EvolutionaryParenting

3. The AAP book that you can get for free when you sign up for the Publix Baby Club. I take the info in this book with a HUGE grain of salt, but I like having a place to look up milestones and guidelines. I don't always follow it to a tee, but it can be very useful and has a lot of information all in one place.

Thanks to all who've listened. I hope it's helped in some small way. I'd sure feel better knowing it did!

5 Things

5 things I don't think I'll ever understand:

1. When people are driving/turning in/from the left lane and they want to turn right, or when they know that that the left lane is ending...and then they just cut you off to get over at the last second.

2. Why people take the last of the toilet paper and don't replace the roll.

3. When people call you about a problem they're having and are rude and nasty to you and expect you to graciously help them, when you've personally done nothing wrong.

4. Why people leave a mess behind them expecting others to clean it up.

5. How people can deliberately harm animals or children (or any living being, for that matter!)

5 things I love:

1. When I check the mailbox and there is something in there other than bills or junk mail.

2. When my son takes a decent nap on the weekend and I can actually get a task or two completely done.

3. Finding one of my favorite movies playing on TV (such as Terms of Endearment, 50 First Dates, Click, Hitch or Star Wars.

4.  Cuddling with my boys.
5.  Finding the perfect gift for someone I love, and sending it to them when it's not for any special occasion.


5 things I miss:
1.  Going to the Clawson 4th of July festival every year with my parents.
2.  Our large family Christmas Eve gatherings.
3.  Flying in an airplane on a regular basis.
4.  The beautiful leaves in the fall.
5.  Lilacs!!!


5 things I'm looking forward to:
1.  Taking my son on adventures to museums, parks, movie theaters and other fun places.
2.  Going on family vacations.
3.  Seeing Paris, Rome, Sydney, and hopefully Cairo one day.
4.  Watching what new thing my son will learn or do tomorrow.
5.  Maybe moving to Hawaii one day.


5 things that make me sad:
1.  Knowing that my son will not remember my parents.
2.  Not being able to see my family and friends as often as I'd like to.
3.  How selfish and inconsiderate our society is becoming.
4.  All of the historic landmarks that are being destroyed in the Middle East.
5.  Not being able to spend more time with my husband and son.


5 things I'll never forget:
1.  How happy I was on my wedding day.
2.  The birth of my son.
3.  Swimming with sea turtles in Maui.
4.  My first solo flight at Western.
5.  Watching my mom pass away.


5 things that will probably not exist in 10 years:

1.  Land line phones.

2.  The USPS.

3.  Personal checks.

4.  Artificial food colors, high fructose corn syrup and MSG (I hope!!!)

5.  Rental DVD movies.

(I used to have this exact phone!)

5 famous people I've met:

1.  Carrie Fisher

2.  Patti Wagstaff

3.  Chuck Yeager

4.  Pat Sajak

5.  Malcolm Jamal-Warner

5 people I'd like to meet:

1.  Tim McGraw

2.  Tom Hanks

3.  Matthew McConaughy

4.  Harrison Ford

5.  Robin Williams

5 changes I'd like to make in my life:

1.  Learn more patience.

2.  Continue to eat better and get healthier.

3.  Get more exercise.

4.  Learn more patience.
5.  Learn more patience.


5 quotes I love and try to live by:
1.  Be kinder than necessary, as everyone is fighting some sort of battle.― J.M. Barrie
2.  Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute and emergency on my part.― Unknown
3.  Never lose hope. Stay strong, you never know what tomorrow brings.― Magith Noohukhan
4.  A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. ― Elbert Hubbard
5.  But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.― Khaled Hosseini

My Childhood

I've been dreaming about my parents a lot recently. Not sure why, but it's been causing me to think about the memories I have from growing up.  I mostly have really good memories of my childhood. Like I can still remember loving the way my mom smelled, and how I always begged her to scratch my back (she was the BEST backscratcher.) And how I used to plead with my parents to let me stay up late and watch "The Rockford Files" with my dad; not that I probably even cared about the show, I just wanted to stay up late with my dad. Every morning when he left for work (before I got up for school) he would kiss me goodbye. I still remember how his cologne smelled. They absolutely had their faults and made mistakes, no doubt.  But we all do, and I don't see any point in reliving the bad times.  There were lots of good things, both big and small.

My parents had both been married previously, and had children from their first marriages. But none of my brothers or my sister lived with us.  My dad's three sons lived with their mom, and my mom's son and daughter were already young adults, living on their own.  My parents were 40 years old when I was born, so I imagine my life was different from other kids who had 20-30 year old parents.  My mom always said "sorry you have such old parents," and I hated it when she would say that.  I couldn't imagine having anyone else for my parents.

I sometimes felt a little lonely, not growing up with any siblings, but it was mostly when we lived in the "country" in Minnesota. None of the kids my age/class lived close by, so having a friend over to play was a rarity.  There were a few younger and older kids that lived on our street that I sometimes played with, but it wasn't often enough for my liking.

I loved being around my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. So when my parents decided to move back to Michigan, I was very upset. Everyone that I knew was in Minnesota.  I knew we had a lot of family in Michigan, but to a 9 year old, it was still a very traumatic experience.  I had been born in MI, but I was only a toddler when we left there for MN, so I didn't know my family in MI well.

The first few years weren't too bad in MI. Once we got settled into our home in Oak Park, I made friends quickly and had a great time. I was still missing everyone back in MN, but I was adjusting.  I do remember writing many letters to one of my godmothers and one of my best friends back in MN, pouring my heart out about how homesick I was. I know we had some struggling times over the years, but my parents did a pretty good job of protecting me from those worries.  I don't think I was spoiled, but I always had what I really needed.  Ok, maybe I was a little bit spoiled, but not to the point that made me a brat.  They taught me to be respectful, work hard, and be kind to others.

I am a lot closer in age to my two (oldest) nieces, so I have a lot of very fond memories of playing with them when we were younger. They were more like little sisters to me.  In the first five or so years that we lived in MI, we had some really fun times with the extended family.  I enjoyed seeing them just as much as I had with the family in MN. As I got older, we saw everyone less and less, but it was great when we did get together. That's why I still today love going to family weddings - many of them are there!

The hardest part about my childhood was all the moving around that we did, because it meant starting all over again. New school, new friends, etc.  When we moved to Oak Park, MI, I started 4th grade as the new kid. Then we moved to Royal Oak in the middle of 7th grade. Middle school/junior high is hard enough, but then I was the new kid, too! Luckily, I made a few great friends for the year and a half that I was in RO. I'm surprised that we didn't build a house and stay there for my high school years, but for whatever reason, we moved again at the start of my freshman year of high school.

Our new house in Rochester Hills wasn't quite ready to move into before my 9th grade year started. My dad was a carpenter, and was pretty much building it by himself. It was our "dream" house, a tri-level. I tried to live with my brother and his family in Utica (just a few minutes from our new house) until our home was ready, but it just didn't work out. So my dad brought me with him every morning from RO, and back home again every afternoon until November, when we finally could move in.

At first, high school was rough. Of course, I didn't know anyone (again). And I was so disappointed that I missed out on joining marching band; they started practicing during the summer, but we had no idea. So by the time school started, I was too far behind what they'd already learned, I guess.  I can still remember going to my home room class on the second day of school, not knowing that you didn't go to home room every day, and how mortified I was when the teacher made fun of me for it, and the whole class of upperclassmen laughed at my expense. But honestly, high school was the best out of all the schools I went to. I had an awesome group of friends, and had some really great experiences.  Especially my senior year. Wow, to be a Senior: we could go off property for lunch, I had a teacher's aide role with one of my favorite teachers, Spring Break in Daytona Beach, and all of the fun Senior-only activities - including finishing school before the underclassmen did! 

I have been fortunate enough to stay close with one of my best friends from high school. Many of them are also on Facebook, including some of the ones I made throughout my childhood and college - so it's nice to still have some contact with them, too. I sometimes miss those days when friends were almost always around to go to a movie or just hang out with. Now we all have our own families and different priorities. It's not nearly as easy to get together, especially now that I live so much further away from everyone.

So far, I have three scrapbooks packed full of my childhood memories - and I'm not done yet!  My best friend from high school is coming to visit in about a week with her family, and I'm really looking forward to spending time with them, and maybe even do a little reminiscing...good times.

Happiness is...

I love waking up and seeing baby boy sleeping. So peaceful, so beautiful.  It's still hard to believe that I created someone so amazing. Truly a miracle.

I have just recently come to terms with the fact that the time I have to spend with him is ok, and he's doing just fine. I was having a hard time being completely comfortable with the fact that I'm working full-time and that some days I only get to spend a few hours with him. I'm not 100% happy about it, but at least I'm not as anxious about it as I used to be.

It's awesome to come home from work and have him light up when he sees me - and either crawl like a madman towards me or practically jump out of my husband's arms to come and see me.  That makes my day, every day. It never gets old. 

I am fascinated by how much he's learned in only one year, and how quickly he learns new things - no matter how small they are.  Like how to drink from a cup. It's funny how you notice this kind of stuff so much more when it's your own kid, and how fascinating and exciting it is.  I don't know if it's just because I'm his mom or what. It's pretty cool, whatever it is.

No, my life isn't all roses and lollipops, but I do try to stay positive amongst a lot of negativity that surrounds me on an almost daily basis.  Some days it gets to me, and I fall into the trap of negative thinking. I guess that's human nature.  I just try to keep those days to a minimum, and know that things can always be a lot worse. Tomorrow is a new day - who knows what's going to happen?

I love living in south Florida; winters here are heavenly, except for all the snowbirds. Yeah, I know that if it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't have a job.  But especially after this past winter, I'm very glad they're gone. The traffic was awful, restaurants were always packed, and the stores were insanely busy. But the worst part about living here is not having my extended family (and some very good friends) near by.  Not being able to see them whenever I want to sucks big time.  I know it was my decision to move so far away from them, so I have to deal with it, and just try to go and visit them whenever I can.

On a completely separate note, I'm a huge believer in karma - both good and bad. It usually takes a lot longer than I prefer fo karma to work it's magic, but nevertheless, I think it exists. I really hope that karma helps us to have some great experiences this year. So far, it has been a relatively decent 4 1/2 months for us. No major illnesses, no accidents, no huge mistakes (knock on wood.)  I did recently lose yet another family member, so that wasn't great. But she and her immediate family were really suffering a great deal in her last days, so I am thankful that she is no longer in pain, and that now the family (especially her children and grandchildren) can begin to heal. It's crazy to think that in less than one year, the last three of my grandmother's sisters have all left this earth.  That's a total of six people in my family, including my parents and my aunt.  Still hard to believe.  Our family really needs a break!

But the point of this story is that I have a lot to be happy about.  Even though there are many things that aren't so great in my life, the things and people who matter the most make everything pretty darn good.  One last example: Hubby, baby and I took a walk tonight, as the sun was going down. The weather was perfect, and it was so enjoyable and relaxing.  Such simple things like that often give me the greatest joy.

 

A Year of Mommyhood

Hard to believe it's been a whole year since I became a mom.  I remember thinking during the first month or so after he was born "when will this get easier?" And then one day it just did, and each day it got a little more easy.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a walk in the park now; but it's a zillion times better than it was. I feel much more comfortable and am really enjoy spending time with him. As we all know, everything usually gets better with time.

We didn't have a huge shindig for his first birthday - just a few kiddos (and their parents) at a local playground. Although I know he won't remember a thing about it, it was still be a special day that I hope he enjoyed. You only turn one once, right?

He gets called "she" a lot - and not because I dress him in pink! It's because of his curls. Not that it would matter, anyways, as I know that not everyone pays attention; girls with bows and headbands get called "he" all the time.  Usually I don't correct the random people that say things to him, unless they ask a question or "her" name.  I don't mind it though, as long as they're being nice to him!  I'm amazed by how many strangers are so friendly to him. Mostly women and children - but sometimes men, too. Especially at the place where my husband works; the people there are so sweet to him.

He's definitely starting to show more personality and is loving the freedom of crawling.  We can tell when he doesn't like something or gets frustrated when he can't do what he wants to do.  I know it has to be maddening when he can't communicate effectively. We are trying to use some sign language and other hand gestures to help him, and he seems to be catching on a little.  Hopefully that will make it a little easier for him.  He knows his name, when we say "no" and knows how to give us "five."  I love watching him learn and discover things. It's great to be such an important part of his life. 

It's really amazing how having a child changes the whole focus of your life.  Not that I don't sometimes wish I had more time for myself for my hobbies and some good girl time, or that hubby and I could have a date night now and then.  But I know that time will fly by so fast, and that he'll be 18 before I know it - and I'll be missing these days. We just have to have a good balance of everyone's needs and make sure to enjoy the moment, no matter how small it is.

Getting back to"normal"

About a month after my Mom died, I was having frequent episodes of really bad pain. I felt it in my stomach and lower back area. At first, I thought I was eating too much dairy or something. Nothing really seemed to help except eating saltines, drinking club soda and resting - but that didn't always work, either. I went to both a regular doctor and my chiropractor, and they both believed that it was due to stress. I never knew how much stress could affect ones health. I never get sick, so it was really annoying for me; I guess I thought I was stronger or more resilient than most people. I suppose everything from the past 6 months had finally caught up with me. When I think about it all, it does make sense: I had a c-section, my hormones were all out of whack from giving birth, my thyroid was messed up, my parents situation was very stressful, and then their deaths, amongst other crazy things going on that I won't go into. There were a few days that I had to leave work and go and rest in my car, hoping that the pain would subside enough for me to go back to work. It was about a month or so before it completely subsided, and was that ever a relief.  

We went to visit my in-laws for Thanksgiving, and had a great time. It was nice to get away from home, too. It was a 9 hour drive to get there, so we decided to leave home at the baby's bedtime, as we weren't sure how he'd do in the car for such a long stretch. He did really well, slept almost the whole time - but hubby and I were completely exhausted. I had worked that day, and he hadn't gotten to nap with the baby at all, so that was pretty rough. But we made it in one piece - and even though we drove back home during the daytime, that went pretty well, too. 

Fortunately, my in-laws were able to drive down to see us for Christmas. I don't know how well I would've done without my parents being there if they hadn't come. I can remember well when I was much younger, a good portion of our extended family would all get together on Christmas Eve; we'd have a pot luck dinner and everyone would get one gift from someone else (we had drawn names in advance to see who we'd get.) It was so much fun - I really looked forward to it because it was usually the only time I ever got to see most of my extended family.  Even though those large family gatherings had stopped many years ago, I still enjoyed getting together with my immediate family.  A few times, I've been alone or it's just been hubby and me at Christmastime, and it's just not the same. I just really enjoy spending time with my family, so I try to go as many weddings and special occasions as I can.

Things are calming down now. FINALLY.  I still feel overwhelmed at times, but it's starting to feel somewhat "normal" again. I cry less often, and I feel more like myself again each day. I've come to the conclusion that I may never again have a completely clean house, and that trying to accomplish a lot of projects in one day is not going to happen any time soon. I am starting to get more comfortable with my new life. Some parts are wonderful, and some are a little harder to cope with. But the good news is that it's always changing, and mostly for the better.  And I'm very grateful to have two amazing boys to come home to every day!