Snapshot

This post won't be edited much, so please forgive me if there are any errors. I wanted to write a quick post, about a brief snapshot of my life right now. As some may already know, I've been parenting pretty much solo for the past month, with no end in sight. My husband is away for work, and we don't know when he'll be back. I'm guessing this is a little like how military wives feel. It's certainly not the same as single parenting, but it does feel like that sometimes, too. I give those parents a lot more credit, now that I've had a small taste of what their lives are like all the time.

My son seems to be going through a defiant stage, testing the boundaries. I feel like I yell way too much. Since I've realized that, I'm trying to reduce it. But it's hard. I'm tired, lonely and often feel very defeated. I love my little boy more than words can ever express, yet I get so frustrated at him when he won't listen or just freakin' go to the potty alone. He's not even 3 yet. How can I expect him to be what he's not yet ready for? 

We don't get home from work and school until about 6pm, so that means we only have a few hours together every day. I hate that. I try to minimize the chores that I do while he's awake, and mostly stay in the same room so that I can talk and play with him. Sometimes we do chores together, like taking the trash out or sweeping the floor. I can't seem to ever get him to bed earlier, as the time just seems to fly by. Plus, he's already getting good at using delay tactics! Before I know it, it's 10pm, and we are just turning the lights off. I haven't yet made his lunch, done the dishes or taken a shower. Forget having some 'alone' down time - unless I want to stay up until after midnight. It's not every night, but it sure seems like most nights lately.

And then tonight, something happened that I don't remember ever happening before. He was clearly still wound up when we laid down. So I told him to stay in bed and rest, while I got up to get to the laundry started and make his lunch. He really needs to learn to fall asleep on his own, I told myself. Of course, he called for me, but I just answered him from the other room. When I could tell he was finally winding down, I came back to him for a cuddle. Then I told him that it was time for him to go to sleep, and that I was going to go finish making his lunch. He said ok. 

Not another peep was heard. When I came back to the bedroom, he was fast asleep. This is a big deal for us. I know it probably sounds stupid to most people, but it just is a huge step for us. I won't let him cry it out, and up until now, it's never really been too a big deal for us to stay close by him until he falls asleep. He's growing up and gaining his independence. I'm so proud of him each and every day. My heart melts when he hugs me or tells me something sweet. I hate myself when I get frustrated with him. But I know it's only human nature, and I'm not perfect. I am struggling, just like the other millions of parents out there. Now I know that being a parent is one of the biggest balancing acts, and the rewards are well beyond my expectations.