Life With A Toddler

Toddlers are very challenging people. (Shocker, I know.) They're learning so much, testing all the boundaries, and just trying to figure things out. It must be very frustrating sometimes for them when they just can't say or express what they're feeling or what they want/need. There's a lot of whining. And crying. And laughing.  And talking. Just a lot of jabbering, in general.  Some of it is really, really good and some of it is not so great. I sometimes find myself getting very angry and frustrated when I use my "authoritative voice" and he just laughs at me.  It's hard to keep my cool when he's like that. It's difficult to communicate effectively with a toddler when he doesn't understand everything yet.  My husband doesn't get exactly the same treatment from him. He's a lot whinier when I'm around. It's strange how our son reacts so differently towards each of us. It's not like I let him get away with everything. In fact, I think I'm the only one who ever puts him in time out. It's not often, but it does happen. Hopefully he's learning that those behaviors aren't acceptable. 

The amazing part is that despite this behavior right now, my heart is still so full of love for him. Even though I love my job, I still wish I could be home with him more, and I miss him terribly every single day. He's had a few stomach viruses over the past year, and it was just awful to watch. As much as I despise throwing up, I would have gladly taken it away from him in a heartbeat. I drive myself crazy sometimes worrying about him when he's sick. Is it just a bug? Could it be something more serious like appendicitis? I try to be rational and think logically about it, but sometimes I'm just so scared. I read another mom's post about some of the things she was surprised about when she became a mom, and I totally agreed with many of them. Like having the fear of what would happen to him if something happened to me. The emotions I feel as a mom are so incredibly strong. Is it just maternal instinct? Or is it my personality/temperament magnified? I really don't feel like the same person I was before he was born. So much has changed since then, and I really had no idea how different I would be.

When I was single, and even a little bit after I got married, I didn't really care if I was doing things perfectly. I always gave my best effort, and I was comfortable with that. If I made a mistake, l could live and learn from it. Today I feel like I question and second guess every decision I make, when it has to do with anything that affects our son (directly or indirectly.) It's a much bigger deal because I'm responsible for another person's life and well being. I'm not sure if this is just a normal momism, or if it's just amplified by what is happening in the US today. So many of our rights are being challenged as parents today - it's really scary. With almost every person owning a smartphone, people are quickly reporting supposed "bad parenting" to the authorities without even giving the parent a chance to explain what's really going on. Instead we have to explain/defend ourselves to the police and judges. Good parents are having their children removed from their home by CPS because they let them play alone outside - something that I KNOW my parents and my friend's parents did every single day when I was growing up. I even walked alone to school at 9 years old. Meanwhile, there are so many other children out there with legitimately bad parents who are routinely ignored. Judges are deciding that unnecessary, non-medically warranted surgeries will be performed on children. Legislators are threatening to take away a parent's right to choose what is medically safe for their children. Medical kidnapping is happening to some children in hospitals, usually where their parents are well-educated and informed. The hospital staff are calling CPS on these parents because they're pissed off that they "dare" question them or go against their orders. Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. How did we get here? Why are these people so threatened by parents asking smart questions? Most of these parents only want what is best for their kids. Parents are not asking questions to be jerks, or trying to show some authority over them. They truly just want to be sure they are doing right by their children, and they won't be bullied by them when they say "just do what I say, I'm the expert." Expert does not equal God.  We are all human beings and we should treat each other with respect and dignity (and a little compassion.) Just because we may not agree on everything doesn't necessarily make one of us smarter or better than the other, regardless of our education or experience. But ultimately, it's hard to have complete trust in someone when they won't even listen to you and answer your intelligent questions. I'm so grateful to have found doctors who are not threatened by my questions, and whose goal is to try to keep my family healthy so that we don't need to see them as much! But I'm still very concerned about the way things are going in our country.  I can't imagine what I'd do if anything like these situations were to happen to us. I would seriously consider moving out of the country.

Welł, the next few months will be very different for us. Our son will be going part-time to a Montessori School. It's exciting for me because I know that he is going to learn so much, and will have a lot of fun playing with the other kids. But letting your child spend 4 hours a day with strangers is very scary, at least it is the first time it happens. Letting go and leaving him there is going to be really hard. There are so many what-ifs running through my mind. Forget the rationale that millions of kids go to daycare/school every day are are totally fine. That doesn't mean anything to me right now. But I know it'll get easier, as time passes and everything turns out fine. At least I hope so!!