A Full Plate

Ok, so today was a pretty rough day for this momma. It's not totally mom-related, but it's just so crazy, I thought some of you might get a kick out of it. Let me first say, I really hate cars that are broken. Truly hate them. Especially when I am working full-time on top of solo-parenting!!  Seriously though, how many times can a car break in one day? If you are curious, please read on.

It all started roughly 3 months ago with a slight oil leak. Just enough to notice it on the ground, and smell when driving. I finally was able to take it in after several weeks of life's craziness, only to be told that I was 4 DAYS out of warranty. Really. Fortunately, they made it right, and fixed the leak without charging me a dime. Or so I thought. 

After a few weeks, I could still smell the oil burning. Clearly this wasn't normal. I returned to the dealership where they assured me they had fixed the leak, and again, no charge.

Then yesterday. You know what I'm going to say, right?  Yep, really bad smell, and very distinctive (but slight) smoke coming from my hood. I only had 40 minutes to figure out what to do AND drive through rush hour/snowbird traffic to pick up my son from school. After discussing it with my husband, we decided the best thing to do for the night is to get a rental car, and take my car to the dealership the next day.

Today was that day. My son wouldn't get out of bed/moving this morning (he is SO my son), which means we were late getting him to school. I decided to try a different dealership to see if they would be willing to help me with my car, and maybe really fix it this time. Third time's the charm, right? The other dealership clearly could not get it right after two attempts, and they're out of the way for me, anyways. The "new" dealership was very nice, and said they'd do their best to work something out for me. On my way back to the office, I almost lost it. We just can't afford a new car or any major repairs right now. We have a LOT going on right now, and this just isn't helping.

By 3:45, I had not heard from the dealership, so I called - and of course, had to leave a voicemail. After waiting 30 minutes with no return call, I decided to extend my rental car for another day, as I figured there was no chance that my car would be fixed. At 4:40, the dealership calls - all fixed, no charge. What?! Time to scramble, again. What a relief, though.

Then I'm literally driving out of the dealership parking lot and my car makes a very strange noise while waiting at the stoplight. What the freak. I almost thought I was hallucinating. But the noise disappears and is driving fine, so I dismiss it. Traffic is horrible, and I'm very late in picking up my son. My car still smells after I pick him up, so I check under the hood for anything noticeable. Nope. Ok then, let's just get home.

We stop at another stoplight down the road, and the noise returns. I start to get a little more scared now, as my son is in the car and I can't quite figure out what is wrong. It sounds like the engine is revving up, but the RPM gauge is not showing anything to confirm that theory. It stops again when I drive off from the light. No indications show that anything is seriously wrong.

I'm at the home stretch, only about a mile to go, and my tire pressure light illuminates. Seriously. I am not making this up. The pressure in one of my rear tires is down to 23 PSI and falling steadily. I just need to make it home! As I pull in the driveway and get out to open the gate, I can hear the tire hissing.  I get in the garage and finally park the stupid piece of crap. Yep, the tire is almost completely flat. Fabulous.

Fortunately, I have a great coworker friend (who also happens to be a very experienced airplane mechanic!) whom when I called him for some advice, insisted on coming over to help me hook up the spare, and try to figure out the revving noise. He did both wonderfully - the spare is installed, and discovered that the dealership mechanic bent the a/c hose into the engine cooling fan, which made a nice gouge in the hose. 

Guess where I get to go again tomorrow? The adventures we live through...

Snapshot

This post won't be edited much, so please forgive me if there are any errors. I wanted to write a quick post, about a brief snapshot of my life right now. As some may already know, I've been parenting pretty much solo for the past month, with no end in sight. My husband is away for work, and we don't know when he'll be back. I'm guessing this is a little like how military wives feel. It's certainly not the same as single parenting, but it does feel like that sometimes, too. I give those parents a lot more credit, now that I've had a small taste of what their lives are like all the time.

My son seems to be going through a defiant stage, testing the boundaries. I feel like I yell way too much. Since I've realized that, I'm trying to reduce it. But it's hard. I'm tired, lonely and often feel very defeated. I love my little boy more than words can ever express, yet I get so frustrated at him when he won't listen or just freakin' go to the potty alone. He's not even 3 yet. How can I expect him to be what he's not yet ready for? 

We don't get home from work and school until about 6pm, so that means we only have a few hours together every day. I hate that. I try to minimize the chores that I do while he's awake, and mostly stay in the same room so that I can talk and play with him. Sometimes we do chores together, like taking the trash out or sweeping the floor. I can't seem to ever get him to bed earlier, as the time just seems to fly by. Plus, he's already getting good at using delay tactics! Before I know it, it's 10pm, and we are just turning the lights off. I haven't yet made his lunch, done the dishes or taken a shower. Forget having some 'alone' down time - unless I want to stay up until after midnight. It's not every night, but it sure seems like most nights lately.

And then tonight, something happened that I don't remember ever happening before. He was clearly still wound up when we laid down. So I told him to stay in bed and rest, while I got up to get to the laundry started and make his lunch. He really needs to learn to fall asleep on his own, I told myself. Of course, he called for me, but I just answered him from the other room. When I could tell he was finally winding down, I came back to him for a cuddle. Then I told him that it was time for him to go to sleep, and that I was going to go finish making his lunch. He said ok. 

Not another peep was heard. When I came back to the bedroom, he was fast asleep. This is a big deal for us. I know it probably sounds stupid to most people, but it just is a huge step for us. I won't let him cry it out, and up until now, it's never really been too a big deal for us to stay close by him until he falls asleep. He's growing up and gaining his independence. I'm so proud of him each and every day. My heart melts when he hugs me or tells me something sweet. I hate myself when I get frustrated with him. But I know it's only human nature, and I'm not perfect. I am struggling, just like the other millions of parents out there. Now I know that being a parent is one of the biggest balancing acts, and the rewards are well beyond my expectations. 

Flying: My Passion, My Fear

One of the craziest (and most annoying) things that has changed about myself since I've been a mom is my new view on flying. Most people who know me know that I've always loved flying. I learned how to fly in college, and was even a flight attendant for two years. It has always been my passion, and I've never really had any fear of it.  In fact, I dare to say I actually "liked" turbulence. I never understood why some people had such an "irrational" fear of flying. Statistically, it is so much safer than driving. I just didn't get it.

Now I do. I don't know if it's because now I am responsible for another person, or if it's a hormonal change, or maybe a combination of both. It's not like I didn't know all about the potential dangers involved in flying before, and suddenly *now* I am aware. I am in tuned to everything - the weather, the engine noise, the turbulence - and when it doesn't look or sound right to me, I'm immediately on edge. Not only am I well educated in aviation, but I also love to watch air disaster shows. Yeah, bad combination, right? I've always wanted to work for the NTSB - you know, the ones who investigate airplane crashes. It's not because I'm into the gruesome details, but I love aviation safety. It's fascinating to me how we almost always learn something new after every accident or incident. The flip side is, I know what to look for when it comes to dangerous situations - and although I may be exaggerating the dangerousness of the situation that I'm in, I can't help but be "irrationally" terrified.

I just returned from my first trip away from home without my son. I was only gone about two and a half days, and I'm happy to say that we all did much better than I expected. But unfortunately, I had to connect in Atlanta both ways, which means 4 take-offs and landings - i.e., the most critical phases of flight. And there were thunderstorms in Atlanta (both times!!) as well as upon returning home. I was beside myself. It was the most bizarre thing for me to feel this way, but I just couldn't help it. Whether or not any danger was present for certain, I'll never know.  But because I have the background that I do, I could not have escaped the fear without fully knowing what only the pilots and air traffic controllers knew.

Lovely, rainy Atlanta

I have flown a few other times previously as a mom, and I did feel the fear a little bit then, too. But it felt a lot worse this last time. I'm traveling again very soon, but with with my son this time - so I'm not sure how I'll do this time around. Luckily, we have no connections in Atlanta! I'm really excited for the trip - for many, many reasons - but mostly to see my family and for my son to spend some time with them, as well. I think he's going to have a complete blast. 

I'm hoping that this new fear of flying is just a phase that will lessen as time goes on. I want to travel and visit my family, and unfortunately flying is usually the easiest way to do it. I can't believe that I said unfortunately!  I try to cut myself some slack, and remind myself that a lot has changed for me over the last 2 1/2 years. I'm definitely not the same person. I have to accept that and try to move on. I sincerely hope that I will be able to fully love flying again, someday. 

Life With A Toddler

Toddlers are very challenging people. (Shocker, I know.) They're learning so much, testing all the boundaries, and just trying to figure things out. It must be very frustrating sometimes for them when they just can't say or express what they're feeling or what they want/need. There's a lot of whining. And crying. And laughing.  And talking. Just a lot of jabbering, in general.  Some of it is really, really good and some of it is not so great. I sometimes find myself getting very angry and frustrated when I use my "authoritative voice" and he just laughs at me.  It's hard to keep my cool when he's like that. It's difficult to communicate effectively with a toddler when he doesn't understand everything yet.  My husband doesn't get exactly the same treatment from him. He's a lot whinier when I'm around. It's strange how our son reacts so differently towards each of us. It's not like I let him get away with everything. In fact, I think I'm the only one who ever puts him in time out. It's not often, but it does happen. Hopefully he's learning that those behaviors aren't acceptable. 

The amazing part is that despite this behavior right now, my heart is still so full of love for him. Even though I love my job, I still wish I could be home with him more, and I miss him terribly every single day. He's had a few stomach viruses over the past year, and it was just awful to watch. As much as I despise throwing up, I would have gladly taken it away from him in a heartbeat. I drive myself crazy sometimes worrying about him when he's sick. Is it just a bug? Could it be something more serious like appendicitis? I try to be rational and think logically about it, but sometimes I'm just so scared. I read another mom's post about some of the things she was surprised about when she became a mom, and I totally agreed with many of them. Like having the fear of what would happen to him if something happened to me. The emotions I feel as a mom are so incredibly strong. Is it just maternal instinct? Or is it my personality/temperament magnified? I really don't feel like the same person I was before he was born. So much has changed since then, and I really had no idea how different I would be.

When I was single, and even a little bit after I got married, I didn't really care if I was doing things perfectly. I always gave my best effort, and I was comfortable with that. If I made a mistake, l could live and learn from it. Today I feel like I question and second guess every decision I make, when it has to do with anything that affects our son (directly or indirectly.) It's a much bigger deal because I'm responsible for another person's life and well being. I'm not sure if this is just a normal momism, or if it's just amplified by what is happening in the US today. So many of our rights are being challenged as parents today - it's really scary. With almost every person owning a smartphone, people are quickly reporting supposed "bad parenting" to the authorities without even giving the parent a chance to explain what's really going on. Instead we have to explain/defend ourselves to the police and judges. Good parents are having their children removed from their home by CPS because they let them play alone outside - something that I KNOW my parents and my friend's parents did every single day when I was growing up. I even walked alone to school at 9 years old. Meanwhile, there are so many other children out there with legitimately bad parents who are routinely ignored. Judges are deciding that unnecessary, non-medically warranted surgeries will be performed on children. Legislators are threatening to take away a parent's right to choose what is medically safe for their children. Medical kidnapping is happening to some children in hospitals, usually where their parents are well-educated and informed. The hospital staff are calling CPS on these parents because they're pissed off that they "dare" question them or go against their orders. Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. How did we get here? Why are these people so threatened by parents asking smart questions? Most of these parents only want what is best for their kids. Parents are not asking questions to be jerks, or trying to show some authority over them. They truly just want to be sure they are doing right by their children, and they won't be bullied by them when they say "just do what I say, I'm the expert." Expert does not equal God.  We are all human beings and we should treat each other with respect and dignity (and a little compassion.) Just because we may not agree on everything doesn't necessarily make one of us smarter or better than the other, regardless of our education or experience. But ultimately, it's hard to have complete trust in someone when they won't even listen to you and answer your intelligent questions. I'm so grateful to have found doctors who are not threatened by my questions, and whose goal is to try to keep my family healthy so that we don't need to see them as much! But I'm still very concerned about the way things are going in our country.  I can't imagine what I'd do if anything like these situations were to happen to us. I would seriously consider moving out of the country.

Welł, the next few months will be very different for us. Our son will be going part-time to a Montessori School. It's exciting for me because I know that he is going to learn so much, and will have a lot of fun playing with the other kids. But letting your child spend 4 hours a day with strangers is very scary, at least it is the first time it happens. Letting go and leaving him there is going to be really hard. There are so many what-ifs running through my mind. Forget the rationale that millions of kids go to daycare/school every day are are totally fine. That doesn't mean anything to me right now. But I know it'll get easier, as time passes and everything turns out fine. At least I hope so!!

My Apology

I want to dedicate this post to my mom, and all the moms that I know that were moms before me.  Not all of it will apply to everyone, but I'm sure some of it will.  I also hope that the women out there who aren't currently moms can maybe get something out of it, as well.

I'm sorry that I may have judged you for not making more time for me once you had kids.  I may have thought that you didn't have all of your priorities straight, or didn't know how to manage your time well. I didn't understand what your life was really like, and that you might have just been barely getting by.  I now know that raising children is the most exhausting and fulfilling thing I've ever done. I never feel like I have time for much of anything or anyone, and I really miss seeing my family and friends more often. Especially because I work outside the home, I feel like I don't want to miss spending any of the spare time that I have with my own family.  It is definitely a lot harder to keep in touch with everyone now.

I never understood why some moms "let" their children behave so badly.  I thought they were total brats, and their moms just let their kids walk all over them.  This probably is true sometimes, but now I can see that it's not always the case. Especially for younger children.  There is a lot going on there that I had no idea - mostly that these children don't know how to handle all of their emotions, and they tend to show it in immature ways. Because they are still immature and don't yet have the ability to deal with emotions like adults do. They are not manipulative brats. Usually.

I couldn't fathom why moms would nurse their children longer than a year. It was a little strange for me to see a mom nursing a toddler or a young child.  But now I know that there is nothing strange about it at all. It's very nutritious and healthy, and also can be comforting to the child. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but now I know why some moms do it, and there's nothing weird about it.

I thought it was a little nuts that some moms let their children sleep in their bed.  I never once thought that children were possibly less safe in their own bed/room, and that it wasn't necessarily the best option for them. (Broken record, I know, I know!) I'll just say that I had no idea how beneficial it is to have your children nearby when asleep, and that it is actually very stressful and potentially dangerous for them to be left alone to cry in another room.  

I didn't understand why moms always worried so much about their kids. Why couldn't they just relax and let them be? Children need to learn from their own mistakes. Well, yes, they will learn from their mistakes, but I'm still gonna worry - but maybe a little more silently. Why? I know that moms put A LOT of time and effort (or better yet - blood, sweat and many tears) into raising their child to be healthy, respectful, kind and smart. Moms can surely remember the stupid (and perhaps even dangerous) mistakes that they made growing up, or maybe the "crazy" things our own moms did - and they want to try to spare their children from making the same mistakes or enduring the same struggles. On top of that, moms feel they have a huge responsibility for their children - and it can even feel quite overwhelming at times. It is almost like there is a fine line between just keeping your kids alive, and in one whole piece - and becoming an overbearing psycho.

I'm sorry that I wasn't really there for you, especially during those first few months as a new mom. I wish I would have thought to just ask you if I could babysit so you could take a long, hot bath or maybe take a walk around the block.  And occasionally stop by with a freshly home cooked meal or two. I didn't understand how exhausted and emotional you were, and that you needed a lot of loving support. 

And to the moms-to-be or new moms after I became a mom, I'm sorry if I have given you too much unsolicited advice. I know that many moms want to help new moms by sharing their experiences and what they've learned, and it can easily become information overload - especially on top of all the books and articles you read, and classes you may take.  I know that the main reason why I do offer advice, information or support is usually because I MYSELF wish I had known about it or had it when I had my son. I guess I'm just doing what moms do naturally, trying to protect you or save you from the same struggle. I do try to limit my unsolicited advice to the things I feel the most passionate about, so hopefully it hasn't been a huge burden to you.

I couldn't comprehend the love moms had for their children, and I think it's very difficult (if not impossible) for anyone to completely understand - until they become a mom.  I knew my mom loved me very much, and she was a great mom to me. I knew how lucky I was, despite some of the not-so-great times we had. No matter how bad things got, I knew she loved me unconditionally and that I could always talk to her about anything. But I still didn't know how deeply she felt it until I became a mom. 

Before and After

Before I became a mom, I had a completely different idea about how things would be after the birth of our son.  Here are a few examples of what I thought I/we would do, and then what actually happened.

You'll probably notice that the first three paragraphs below are very closely related, but they do each have their own specific importance.

"Our baby will only sleep in our room for maybe the first six months, and then he'll be in his own room." It's been almost two years, and he's still in our room, only a foot or so away. I can hear him breathing, respond quicker to his needs, and rest better knowing that he's as safe as he can possibly be. Especially, for the first year of life, the risk of SIDS is the highest.  Besides humans, what other mammal puts their children to sleep in a different place?  I had never thought about it that way, but it makes complete sense to me now. The benefits of co sleeping are not well known, and most people don't understand that it can be done very safely.  I had at least one person think that I was crazy, she said something like "it's so dangerous, I can't believe you're doing that."  She clearly didn't know what I knew.  Sure, our bedroom is quite strange looking, and we've made a lot of adaptions to accommodate all three of us.  There are times that I feel like I just want things back to how they were before.  But our life is forever changed, and we wouldn't have it any other way. He will eventually want his own space, and by then he'll be old enough to handle it both emotionally and physically.

"Babies just sometimes need to cry themselves to sleep, and it's no big deal (i.e cry it out, or CIO)." Well, no, not really.  I learned that when babies cry, they *need* help from their parents to soothe them - as they can't do it by themselves. Leaving babies to cry for long periods of time is actually very stressful to the baby, and can cause real physical damage to them.  I don't understand why the cry it out method is so commonly thought to be the norm, and why so many people recommend it.  Well, I guess I kinda do know why.  Many new moms and dads are usually so exhausted that they don't know what else to do to get their baby to sleep, so they ask their parents or other trusted individuals, who many times tell them they have to let their baby CIO.  There isn't a lot of support for the non-cry-it-outers, and many don't know anything different.  I just don't think I ever really thought about it all until I had my son.  Crying babies affect me much more differently now that I'm a mom. If you're unfamiliar with CIO, and are wondering "If crying it out is so bad, why does it usually work?" I discovered that there is actually science behind why it's so bad.  Long periods of crying raise a baby's cortisol levels very high, which can cause physical damage. And the fact that "it works" is not exactly a good thing. Eventually, the baby stops crying out of sheer exhaustion and will not cry more because he does not get what he needs (usually comfort, if all other things have been ruled out) from his communicating (crying.)  Babies trust their parents to be there for them all the time, and don't know any different when it's bedtime. We all know babies can't say things like "I'm hot" or "I'm scared" or even "I'm lonely" like older children or adults can.  And we know how good it feels to be touched or hugged by someone we love - it is so comforting, and it can actually make us feel better, physically.  Letting my son cry it out was just not an option. My heart nearly broke when I tried to do it, and that was only for about 10 minutes!  Even when I was so exhausted, and just wanted him to "go to sleep already!!" - I did not know this information yet, but I just knew somehow that it wasn't good for him.  It felt completely unnatural.  Mother's intuition is so very powerful.  When I read about how the cortisol works, it completely blew my mind - and yet, perhaps that is why I just *knew* that the right thing to do was pick him up.  I now know that he's not being spoiled by being held or being near his mom when he cries.  He is just simply too young to make himself feel better.  

And then also "Babies learn to sleep through the night with proper sleep training."  This goes hand in hand with the cry it out theory I mentioned above.    After trying many different ways to try to get him to sleep better, and reading a lot about it, we figured out that he just wanted to be near us, and that we didn't need to force a strict sleep schedule.  It took some time, but we figured out our *rough* nightly routine, and he finally started sleeping for longer stretches. "Through the night" for babies is actually about 4-6 hours at a time. Keeping him near me so that he could easily nurse a few times at night actually kept him from fully waking up, and we both slept a lot better - eventually, for a total of about 10-11 hours on average per night.  We've just had to be flexible, and adjust the routine as needed. Being a planner by nature, this has been difficult for me.  I do worry that he isn't getting adequate sleep - even though he is doing great. He has just recently started sleeping ALL through the night without any nursing.  If you ask other parents, I bet almost all of them will say that their children often wake up scared at night, not wanting to be alone, and end up in their parents bed. It's very common and completely normal for children to need their parents' comfort and reassurance. Why would babies/toddlers be any different? I could go on and on about this, but I won't - not this time!  I think three paragraphs is more than enough :)  I've put some resources at the bottom for anyone who wants to read more on this.  

"Doctors always know what is best for babies, and parents should do whatever they tell them." Ok, yes, doctors are usually very smart and are well educated, but they aren't perfect. No one is. And no matter how great the doctor is, I think almost everyone can agree that they don't care nearly as much about a child as his/her own parents do.  In my opinion, a great doctor discusses a child's health with his parents, and looks for ways to keep him healthy by eating well and preventing illnesses, and not just by treating his symptoms with medications.  In my own past experience, it just doesn't seem to be a common practice to discuss nutrition and healthy living at the doctor's office.  I mean no disrespect to the well-deserving doctors out there - I do think that their hard work and dedication is impressive, and they doing their best to help others.  Especially the doctors in emergency medicine, they are literally saving lives every second.  Just recently, I've learned about the benefits of chiropractic care, in addition to following other essential ways to live well without any medical interventions.  This was the first time I went to a doctor who gave me non-medicated tools to improve my health.  I'm not generalizing or stereotyping doctors, saying they are all the same.  I am just saying that doctors don't know everything, they are people just like me.  And sometimes moms and dads know what works best for their own babies.  Parents shouldn't be afraid to ask their child's doctor intelligent questions and do some good research on their own before making important health decisions for their child.  A trusted doctor's advice should be well considered, but is not always the right solution for every child.  The parents and the child are the ones who have to live with any consequences that may arise from these decisions, not the doctors. 

"Taking care of a newborn will be tiring, but I'll be fine." Ha ha, no. The first two months of my son's life were the hardest months of my life. Besides getting very little sleep (my son was initially a catnapper, 24/7), my thyroid was way out of whack, and I'm pretty sure I was having the baby blues. Then shortly after those first two months, as you already know from my previous posts, my parents died within six weeks of each other.  Talk about stressful.  Most of those first few months of his life are a blur.  I wish I had done a ton of things differently, but I don't know if any first-time parent can ever prepare adequately.  Things never go as planned, and every baby is different. The one big thing I do wonder about is if I had stayed near my family, would it have been easier?  My parents were in no shape to help me, they could barely take care of themselves.  Would it have made that much of a difference if I had been closer to my family?  I don't know.  From what I've seen from other moms, I think that being a mom can feel lonely and exhausting, no matter what the circumstances are.  Especially for a first-time mom.

"I'll do my best to breastfeed for just the first year, but we'll see how it goes. We can just use formula if it doesn't work out." Breastfeeding was also very difficult for me to master, especially since my thyroid wasn't working properly. I didn't feel like I was doing it right.  I had eventually realized that breastmilk is not only the best nutrition for my son, as well as a great way for us to bond/he be comforted - but it is very important for him in building up his immune system. Critically important. And not to mention that the commercialized formula is no where near as nutritious as breastmilk, and most of them have a lot of bad stuff in them. (I did have to supplement, but we made the formula fresh from scratch.) It's recommended that toddlers are breastfed until at least two years old (and some say older). I hate to admit that I am really growing tired if it, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to force him to stop. It's only about twice a day now, so it's not that big of a deal.  Especially since I work outside the home, it feels like a good way to reconnect with him.  I do discourage it sometimes, when I just need to be left alone. I'm hopeful that he'll just stop on his own soon, when he's ready.

The last one is probably the most surprising one to me.  Before I got pregnant, I never once thought about circumcision being anything other than the normal thing that happens to boys. I didn't know much about it, really, other than it being a common (especially Jewish) tradition. But I thought it was important that I at least find out what it is done for, so I know why and how it would be done to our son, if our baby was in fact a boy.  Wow, was it an eye opener. When I started reading about it, I came to find out that circumcision is actually becoming less common, and there usually is no medical reason to do it. It is not any cleaner or safer, and can actually sometimes be quite dangerous and even deadly.  I couldn't believe that this wasn't well known!  When I asked my husband about it, he was initially very put off and said that we needed to do it.  I explained to him what I had read, and even though he was clearly upset about even the thought of not circumcising, we decided to talk to our prospective (at the time) pediatrician about it. The doctor confirmed what I had learned was true, and that was all it took to push my husband to learn more, and ultimately agree that we would not circumcise if we had a son.  

It's amazing to me how much I thought I knew, when I really had no idea. I'm just glad that I was smart enough to realize that when something didn't feel right, I needed to look into it instead of just blindly following what I had been told, or what was thought to be the norm. I also do realize that as time goes on, we learn new things that we didn't even think twice about before. I know my parents probably didn't think about any of these things, and probably had different challenges back then.  I'd like to believe that parents do what they think is best for their child, and they aren't being selfish and doing what only suits themselves - at least most of them, anyways.  Heck, my mom smoked the entire time she was pregnant with me because she didn't know any better.  And I'm pretty sure she didn't breastfeed me, either - but I'm not 100% sure, and don't know why, if she didn't.  Hopefully I am not making that kind of mistake with my son - definitely not deliberately, of course.  I don't judge anyone who makes an informed decision to do what is best for their own children.  I'm no expert on anything, but I do believe that all parents should be open to at least looking at new things, and not being afraid to learn more about the things they don't know much about - for the sake of their children. Besides helping myself to get these things out of my head, I truly hope something I've said helps someone else get through a tough spot or that it's ok to question "the norm."  I know I wish I had heard more about these things before I had my son.

Here are some useful places to read more about why I changed my mind:

No-Cry Sleep 

www.elizabethpantley.com

Crying and Stress

http://evolutionaryparenting.com/its-just-a-little-cortisol-why-rises-in-cortisol-matter-to-infant-development/

http://books.google.com/books/about/Science_of_Parenting.html?id=52KL4KsfcfEC

Co-Sleeping

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes

Chiropractic Care and the 5 Essentials

www.maximizedliving.com

Breastfeeding

www.llli.org/nb/nbiss3-09p28.html

Circumcision

www.drmomma.org/2010/11/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html

Support and Motherly Advice

motherwiselife.org

evolutionary parenting.com

longestshortesttime.com

All three are on Facebook, as well

So Many Changes

I'm really loving who my son is becoming.  He is getting to be very affectionate, and it is just so awesome. I can't get enough of him!  I know I need to enjoy it now, as there will be a day when he won't want me to even so much as look at him, especially when he's around his friends.  But I hope this trait is one that he'll always have, especially for me, his dad and for anyone he loves dearly. 

He has the best laugh and does the funniest things.  When my we tickle him or play chase with him, he just cracks us up with his expressions and his laughter.  It's completely contagious, you just have to giggle yourself, there is no stopping it.

Unless he is just really tired, he is such a happy kid.  He is getting better at playing  alone, but for the most part he just loves being around us.  It doesn't matter what we do, really. He loves being outside and doesn't seem to have any fear (except around other people!)  I am trying to get him around more people more often so that he can hopefully get over his shyness.

I love watching him sleep and hearing him breathe.  He has always been a fairly loud breather when he sleeps, too, which I'm grateful for.  It's very peaceful and wonderful watching him.  

I am amazed at how fast he learns and how much he already understands. When I ask him to do something, he almost always does it.  It seems like such a huge deal as he's still so young - he's not even two yet.  Sure, he still does a lot of things that I tell him not to do, but I know he's not perfect!  

I wish he could have more of the same things that I did growing up, but I know it's not very likely, as things are so different now.  One big difference is not being close to family.  When I was a kid, our extended family got together for birthdays and holidays, and sometimes in between. I was very close to my aunts, uncles and cousins.  Because we don't live near family now, it will never be like that for him, and that makes me really sad. But I hope that we can visit our family often enough so that he will still get to know them.  My husband doesn't really understand why I feel this way, as he grew up without any extended family nearby.  Since he survived, I guess it'll be ok. And there isn't much I can do to change it, since we don't plan on moving north any time soon!