Our home is the messiest it's ever been.
I find toys (and other missing objects) in the most unusual locations.
It feels like it takes me 10 times longer to get ready to leave the house. And I even have the diaper bag always ready!
Our furniture is slowly but surely getting ruined. And apparently it also doubles as a jungle gym!
There are safety locks and bungee cords protecting/securing something in almost every room.
I can rarely be in the bathroom by myself. I am stealthy sometimes, but boy do I hear about it.
I feel like my son is a human garbage disposal. It seems like he is hungry ALL THE TIME.
Changing diapers and getting dressed is now apparently a fun game of wiggling, kicking and body slamming. I'm really surprised that I haven't had a broken nose yet.
I know just about all of the character's names on the programs on the Sprout channel. I also find myself singing many of their theme songs.
Some things that I wish I could be better about:
Taking some time for myself - even just to curl my hair, paint my nails or do something crafty. Since I'm a working mom, I always feel like my time at home should be with my family. My husband is very supportive of me doing those things, it's just my own mental block. I call it my "mom guilt." I do force myself to do things sometimes, but I never really seem to enjoy it much because of the guilt I feel.
I try not to worry so much. There are many scary, bad things in the world, and I sometimes feel like I'm a little paranoid. I hear about others who have lost their child, or have a child with a disability or illness, and my heart breaks for them. I can't imagine the pain they are going through, and I don't think I could handle it. Then I get so scared that something will happen to my son. I try to focus on how lucky I am and just do my best to keep him safe, but sometimes it is difficult to ignore. It can be terrifying if I let myself think about it too much, so I try to distract myself and stay positive.
I think I'm still very (too) emotional. I know that being emotional is not really a bad thing, within reason. And I know that no one can say how long is "normal" to grieve after losing your parents. Plus I feel like being a mom is such an important role - I want to do my very best, and it sometimes feels like a lot of pressure, and it gets to me. I want to just be like I used to be. I don't want to cry randomly for no real reason anymore. I feel stupid when I do this. I just want to be back to (my old) normal self. I don't know if that's even possible as I feel like I've changed so much.
Most importantly, being a mom has been such a crazy and wonderful experience - I never would have imagined it to be how it is. Many of the things I thought I would or wouldn't do, I've done the opposite. It's crazy how much my life has changed. I'm still amazed by it.
